Moving Forwards
by Silver-'-Doe290s
Summary: After the end of Crisis Core, Cissnei finds herself in Midgar, where she runs into someone she recognises, whose story doesn't quite match up with the version of events she remembers. Intrigued, she joins AVALANCHE and tries to figure out Cloud's secrets. Final Fantasy 7 AU.
1. Chapter 1

_A shot in the dark, a past, lost in space _

_Where do I start, the past, and the chase?_

- She Wolf, Sia

* * *

Cissnei arrived in Midgar tired, depressed and disillusioned. Somehow, not really knowing what she was doing, she'd found herself sitting alone in a bar and listening to the rain drumming on the windows.

Cissnei had liked the rain, once. Before it had become associated with bad memories. (_She wasn't going to think about helicopters or blood on a cliff or friends that she'd failed, _she told herself. She thought about these things anyways; they never left her mind for long).

Taking another sip of her beer, Cissnei made a face. It tasted bitter. The room was loud and crowded and unpleasant, but she could bear it. The noise drowned out her thoughts and if she stayed here she didn't have to ask herself where she'd go next. She hadn't thought things through the night she'd walked out of Tseng's office. She'd just known she needed to get _away, _leave Shinra behind, sort out her thoughts.

She was about to call it a night when something - _someone _- caught her eye.

He was blond. His hair stuck up at odd angles in a way she would have found comical if it didn't instantly make her think of _someone else. _And the sword -

She'd know it anywhere.

After a while, Spiky seemed to realise he was being stared at because he looked up and their eyes met. A blush crept into his cheeks and he looked away, then continued to make his way towards the counter. Slowly, carefully, Cissnei got up and began to walk towards him.

It wasn't easy. She had to jostle through thick crowds of people and more than once she lost sight of him, but not for long. He was anything but inconspicuous.

_Finally, _she managed to catch up to Spiky, who was talking to a girl with long brown hair and didn't notice her. Cissnei cleared her throat, then stopped. She realised she had no idea what she was planning to say. _Hello, I'm Cissnei and I let your friend die. You were in a coma, though, so you probably don't remember me. Um, I'm glad you're ok? Please don't kill me, I'm really sorry about Zack, I meant to -_

Yeah, that wasn't going to go down well. She was beginning to think she never should have approached him, but it was too late. He'd noticed her.

"Hello," he said, tilting his head slightly in a move that looked so much like - _no, don't, don't think about him, stay calm, Cissnei... _"Do I know you?"

Here came the hard part. Cissnei swallowed. "Um. Sort of. I mean, you wouldn't remember me, considering..." her mind searched desperately for a safe topic. Finding one and latching on to it, she stuck out her hand.

"I'm Cissnei. Ex-Turk." Making introductions was only a way to stall for time, but Cissnei would take whatever she could get. She wasn't prepared to face this.

Spiky shook her hand and his lips quirked up into a small smile. _Just stop it! Stop reminding me of him. _It _couldn't _be natural for two people, even two close friends, to have such similar mannerisms.

"I'm Cloud Strife. Ex-SOLDIER. I work as a mercenary now."

Cissnei blinked, but quickly covered her surprise. So that was the cover he was using? Calling himself an Ex-SOLDIER made some sense - it was the assumption people would jump to anyways, with his Mako eyes and uniform and Zack's sword... if Shinra still wanted him, they would be on the look-out for a small, helpless _cadet. _And 'Cloud Strife' was probably an alias, then. The cover had it's draw-backs - it would draw too much attention to him, particularly _Shinra _attention, and people might realise that they didn't know of any SOLDIERS called Cloud Strife - but he would be drawing attention to himself anyways unless he was willing to leave behind the sword. That was what Cissnei might have done, but SOLDIERS placed far more value on sentimentalism than on pragmatism. And even without the sword, someone would notice his eyes and people would know he was hiding something.

Yes, it was a good cover. So why did it surprise her?

_Because Zack wouldn't have thought of it. _The reason came to her immediately. Zack just didn't _do _sneaking and deceit. Cissnei sighed. She would _have _to keep in mind that this 'Cloud' - she was almost certain that was not his real name - was not Zack, no matter how much she wished him to be.

"Pleasure to meet you, Cloud," she said, struggling to keep her tone light. No. She couldn't do it.

"You said you knew me?"

"No, it's just... it doesn't matter. Look, I'll talk to you later, all right? I can give you my number -"

"YO, CLOUD! WHO'RE YOU TALKING TO, HUH?"

Cissnei flinched at the loud voice from behind the counter and watched a muscular man with a gun for an arm make his way towards them.

"Barret, this -" Cloud began, but she stepped up, relieved to have someone else to talk to. Talking to Cloud had made her feel a little like she was getting impaled on that huge sword of his - painful, uncomfortable and torturous to unimaginable degrees.

"Hello, sir. You're Cloud's friend? My name is Cissnei. I'm -"

"She a Turk?" Barret cut her off, looking at Cloud. Cissnei gave a small huff of annoyance. Clearly, politeness was not too high on this guy's list of priorities. "She's dressed like one." She was still wearing her suit. Truth be told, she didn't have anything _else _to change into. Being a Turk had defined her.

That, and loving Zack. Now both were gone. _I was stupid. Should've known better than to lose my head over just another handsome SOLDIER. Just like any other girl. Just like Aerith. Tseng was right to be disappointed in me._

"Are you reporting on me back to Shinra, you little bastard?" Barret was still ranting. She felt she should step in to defend Cloud, but he didn't look like he wanted her to. "Knew I shouldn't have trusted you. I _knew -_"

"Cissnei _was _with Shinra. Like me. She quit," Cloud said coldly, eyes narrowed. Cissnei sighed again. She hadn't meant to place herself in the middle of an argument and her feeling of discomfort was increasing by the second. It also bothered her that Cloud had defended her against Barret's rage, even if he was in the same breath defending himself. Would he still have tried to spare her Barret's suspicion if he knew why she was here?

"Humph." Barret turned on her. "I'm sure that's what you _told _him. Why should I trust you, huh?"

Cissnei took a deep breath and steadied her voice. "I was with Shinra, it's true. I left because I couldn't bear to work for them anymore, after... certain events." She inclined her head slightly towards him. "You may choose not to trust me if you wish, though I do not want us to fight. I was curious about Cloud because I recognised him, but he told me nothing of importance except his name so even if I _was_ still a Turk, I would have nothing to report back to Shinra. Does this satisfy you?"

"Did you threaten me?"

"I did not mean to, sir. My comment on the possibility of a fight was merely a response to you waving your gun at me."

"Right." Barret lowered his arm. "Ok. Say I trust you. I can't take the risk of you running back to Shinra... you say you couldn't bear to work for them anymore?"

Barret seemed to be directing the conversation towards something. Cissnei had no idea what it was, but her pulse had picked up. It seemed as though he was about to suggest something important. "Yes."

"Well. If ya join us, then I can keep an eye on you. A Turk could be useful to have. But I'm not letting you walk away, that's for sure. We're AVALANCHE."

_AVALANCHE. _A terrorist group.

_Sorry, Tseng, Reno, Rude. This is just the way it goes._

"I'm in."


	2. Chapter 2

_The child without a name grew up to be the hand_

_To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand._

- Hand of Sorrow, Within Temptation

* * *

"Hey, Cissnei! I'm Jessie. Welcome to AVALANCHE!"

Cissnei smiled politely and pretended to listen as the girl Cloud had been talking to when she'd first introduced herself rambled on excitedly. She didn't really want to be welcomed to Avalanche. She just wanted to talk to Cloud and get things over with, but Cloud was nowhere to be seen. Cissnei wondered why she'd even agreed to join. She supposed she hated Shinra, but she hadn't really planned to fight them. Shinra was just a cold, impersonal company that was blind to the things it destroyed. Mostly, she just hated _herself _for serving them until it was too late.

"So I guess you'll have to change, huh? We can't have you going around looking like a Turk. I mean, I guess Cloud _does _go around looking like a SOLDIER and everything, but, well, Cloud's not really one of us, he's just some mercenary Barrett hired." At this point, Jessie paused expectantly and look at her, so she supposed she was supposed to give a reply.

"I'm sorry?"

"I was saying you should change out of your Turk uniform."

"Oh. I don't really have anything else," Cissnei muttered.

"No problem. Wait here, I'll get you something!" With that, Jessie skipped off and Cissnei let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't that she was anti-social or didn't enjoy other people's company. She just felt too drained to engage in long conversations, and would have preferred time to sort out her thoughts. Alas, it seemed unlikely she would get that time, because as soon as Jessie was gone another girl came up and sat besides her.

"Hello. It's Cissnei, right?"

"Yes, and you are...?"

"Tifa Lockheart. Um, you said you knew Cloud?"

_Oh. _Great. Bad enough that she'd have to tell Cloud who she was; she had no intention of having to discuss it with Cloud's friends as well. Though, how much _did _they know about Cloud's real past, anyways? "Not well. I mean, we both worked for Shinra."

"Ok. I was just wondering if..."

Cissnei didn't get a chance to find out what Tifa had been wondering, because at that moment Jessie burst back into a room holding a yellow dress.

"Cissnei? Come here. You have _got _to try this on."

"Are you sure?" Cissnei asked. "It doesn't look very... practical."

"It's fine. I've fought in it before. Also, it would look amazing on you."

Cissnei eyed the dress uncertainly. It was certainly... pretty. "Just try it on?" Jessie pleaded. Cissnei sighed.

"All right."

"Great! You can have my room to get changed in."

* * *

Once in Jessie's room, Cissnei put the dress down on her bed and sighed.

Once out of her suit, she would be leaving behind any evidence that she had ever been a Turk. That shouldn't have been a problem; she'd chosen to resign, hadn't she? And Cissnei wasn't even her real name; she'd changed identities before, once, easy as breathing. And she _wanted _to change. Being Cissnei, the Turk meant being Cissnei, the girl who had let Zack die. The coward who wanted to disobey her orders but could only go so far, and '_so far_' had not been far enough.

Taking a deep breath, Cissnei unbuttoned her coat, quickly and furiously, not pausing to think. Once off, she flung it onto the Jessie's chair where it would be out of her line of sight. The tie came next, then shirt and pants, and then it was time to pull on the dress. Once it was on, she let out a soft sigh of relief. There; that hadn't been so difficult, had it? Certainly no more difficult than leaving her shuriken on Tseng's desk along with her report and a form of resignation.

There was a mirror on Jessie's desk, and she studied herself in it. The dress made her look... lighter and softer, somehow. She'd always been petite, but the dress took advantage of that and made her seem like a young girl. More innoccent than Cissnei had _ever _been. A little... a little like Aerith, in fact.

"Cissnei, are you dressed?" Jessie's voice echoed through the thick wooden door.

"I'm coming," was Cissnei's reply. She opened the door and stepped out. When Jessie saw her, she gave Cissnei a wide, appreciative smile and a thumbs-up.

"Perfect. You look _stunning._"

Cissnei said nothing.

One of the other Avalanche members - short and a bit on the pudgy side, who Cissnei didn't remember having been introduced to - peeked into the hallway. "Hey, Jessie - woah. You did _not _tell me the new member was so pretty. Cissnei, you _have _to change back if you want any of us to be able to concentrate around you."

"Um." Cissnei blushed and felt a sudden urge to run away and hide. What was _wrong _with her? This was just harmless flirting. It shouldn't have been making her uncomfortable. She'd never had any trouble with flirting when she'd been a Turk - how else could she beat Reno at his own game? As long as her feelings weren't involved, it couldn't hurt her.

That's what she'd told herself when she'd found herself spending far too much time with Zack, talking, laughing, teasing. She didn't care, so it didn't matter. She'd just wanted a break, and Zack had been _very _good at providing that. And it helped that he was kind of cute.

And then, slowly, she'd come to realise that she _did _care but it was too late because she couldn't stop caring, and so she was doomed to get hurt because there was no way a Turk falling in love with a SOLDIER who already had a girlfriend could have ended well.

"Thank you for letting me try on the dress, Jessie, but I'd prefer just a plain tracksuit or something, if that's alright with you."

* * *

Dinner was pretty bland; peas and mashed potatoes, with everything tasting far too watery for her taste. Cloud sat across the table from her; she was careful to keep her eyes on her plate as though it held something truely fascinating in order to avoid having to meet his gaze. She should never have tried to talk to Cloud. She would never work up the courage to apologize to him, and he would just keep waiting for her to tell him what she'd tried to say when she'd first approached him.

_At least I have a place to stay and something resembling a plan for the future now. _She wasn't really sure if she wanted to stay with Avalanche. She didn't want to fight her former comrades. Her fingers clenched around her fork. Tseng wouldn't feel betrayed, but he'd waste no time in adjusting to her as an enemy. Rude wouldn't say anything, as usual, but he wouldn't look at her - even through his sunglasses. She didn't really care how Elena would feel; Elena was just a rookie with no idea of what it really meant to be a Turk. And Reno... Reno would be hurt, in as much as any Turk was capable of feeling hurt. _Any Turk except for me. How did I let myself get so emotionally involved in things?_

"So tomorrow, we'll be blowing up the Mako reactor in Sector One. Cissnei, do you have a weapon?"

"No." Cissnei twisted her fork around in her plate. The food was very unappetising. "I used to fight with a shuriken." She'd left it behind when she left the Turks. "I'm also trained with knives or a gun, or just about anything except a sword." Swords were for SOLDIERs; more showy than practical. A Turk wouldn't lug around a conspicuos slab of metal almost as large as she was, no matter what it symbolised. Honour, dreams, legacies; those were SOLDIER things. She didn't want a symbol to remember Zack _by _- she just wanted _Zack._

"We'll have to get you something, then. There's a weapon shop around the corner; they have all sorts of things."

"Thank you, uh..."

"My name is Biggs."

"Thank you, then, Biggs." She took another mouthful of food, and was tempted to spit it out. What had she been thinking of, again? Oh, yes. Turks set no store in symbols - except when Cissnei used them to show that she was leaving something behind, like the Shuriken or the uniform.

"Yo, Biggs," Barret put in. "Can ya watch over Cissnei tomorrow, make sure she doesn't do anythin' suspicious?"

"Sure, no problem."

"I could do it," Cloud put in quietly. Cissnei winced to herself. Her comments yesterday must have made Cloud curious. Now she'd _have _to talk to him at some point. Preferably later rather than sooner.

Cissnei found herself remembering the time, not long after she'd first joined the Turks when Tseng had called her into her office.

"... meant, Cloud, but I don't trust ya. Yer both Shinra scum..."

She'd sat down in front of him and he'd studied her for a long time. She remembered her hands sweating nervously as she wondered how she'd displeased him. Finally, he spoke: "That locket you had with you, with pictures of your parents. You haven't got it anymore?"

It was a statement, phrased as a question. Cissnei had tried to figure out what he wanted. Was he trying to see if she'd left behind Anna Taylor, slum orphan to become Cissnei, Turk-in-training?

"I threw it away, sir."

"I see," Tseng said and for a long time he was silent. Had she said something wrong? Hadn't he _wanted _her to leave her old identity behind? Perhaps he disapproved of the frivulous symbolism of the action. "Was it difficult?"

"No, sir," Cissnei had replied after a little too great a hesitation. This time, Tseng hadn't waited before speaking again:

"You're lying."

Cissnei had looked down at her lap and tried to hide that her cheeks were slowly turning red. It _had _been more difficult then it should have been, but she'd done it anyways. Wasn't that enough?

"Turks lie, but they have to know when. Don't lie when you can't get away with it; that means don't lie to me." She'd lied to Tseng later, though, on the phone, and he hadn't called her out on it. She still didn't know if that meant that he'd believed her, or just that he'd been as unwilling to hurt Zack as she had been. Maybe it would have been better if they'd taken him; at least they would have taken him _alive. _"And more importantly, _never _lie to yourself." He stopped and watched her expectantly.

"Yes, sir," she'd muttered bashfully.

"You try to pretend that you don't care about anything because that's what you think a Turk should be like, but you _do. _You are a sentimental person, Cissnei. It's good for you to hide that from others, but _always _admit it to yourself. When you try to hide or bury it, you risk it turning up at the worst moments possible and hurting you. If you really didn't care about that locket, it wouldn't have mattered if you'd kept it. You threw it away _because _you knew it would hurt you to do so. A word of advice, Cissnei; don't hurt yourself. It isn't good for you."

"Yes, sir," she'd said again, but she couldn't agree with him. He just didn't _understand. _Everything passed; everything faded. _Just like her parents had, just like Zack. _She had to be willing to let those things go; getting attached meant getting hurt. She'd never be strong until she could be like Tseng, cold, detached and accepting. She had to...

"Cissnei!" Biggs' voice called her back into the present. "Are you listening?"

"Yes; I'm sorry."

"Right. Well, the plan is..."

She hadn't taken Tseng's advice in the end. She'd hurt herself, like a child touching a heated oven, not realising it would burn her. She'd tried to play both sides, helped Zack as much as she could without doing anything she couldn't just walk away from. She'd done too much; she hadn't done enough. And when she finally _had _handed in the retirement form it had only been after Zack's death had shocked her into seeing that she _had _to choose a side.

But what was the point of choosing the side of a dead man?

"_Cissnei!_"

"I'm sorry." She got to her feet. She couldn't stand being in that room any longer, with people talking and Cloud _looking _at her, his eyes full of questions she didn't want to answer. _Don't get attached, don't get attached. _Pretty Mako eyes and a light, easy smile had been all it had taken to make her forget that mantra, forget everything she knew about the world and all the things she should have known to be impossible. "I need fresh air. Can someone catch me up on the plan later?"

"Now wait a second here, ya can't just _go _and -" But Cissnei was out the door before she could hear the rest of Barret's complaint. She clicked the door shut quietly behind her and took a deep breath. It was a calm, quiet night. The clouds had cleared away and she could see the stars. Cissnei sat down and pretended Zack was there to watch them with her.

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you're interested. I'm not extremely familiar with the FFVII fandom so forgive me if I make any mistakes. I hope you like this chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Can I ask you a question please? Promise you won't laugh at me._

_Honestly, I'm standing here, afraid I'll be betrayed._

_-_ Black Roses Red, Alanna Grace

* * *

"Anyone else get the feeling that something's wrong with Cissnei?" Jessie asked, glancing worriedly at the door.

"Probably a Shinra spy," Barret grumbled. Tifa put down her fork, suddenly thoughtful.

"Cloud might know."

"Huh?" Cloud glanced up. "I'm sorry, I have no idea who this girl even _is, _let alone why she acts the way she does."

"Are you sure?" Jessie had latched on to the idea. "You were in Shinra together, right? And she approached you and said she recognised you."

Cloud shook his head. "Don't remember her. I guess SOLDIERs and Turks didn't work together much."

"Maybe you've seen each other around..." Jessie seemed vaguely disappointed.

"No. Wierd thing is..." He frowned as he mentally played back their first conversation. "It seemed like she _expected _me not to remember her. And Barret, I don't think she's a spy. She approached me without knowing I was part of Avalanche."

"Oh! I know!" Jessie grinned suddenly. "Maybe Cloud has a secret admirer. She knew him from Shinra but didn't expect to be remembered because she didn't think you'd notice her, and she's been acting wierd because she's _nervous._"

"Jessie..."

"You two are so _cute _together!"

Cloud shot Jessie a look of profound distaste. "Shut up."

"Hey, no need to be rude."

"Whatever," Cloud replied. Something about Cissnei... bothered him. He couldn't put his finger on it. It seemed like she knew more about him than she was letting on, and he didn't like that. "I'm going outside to check on her."

"Awww..."

"Jessie, _stop,_" Tifa interjected with an annoyed look.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry."

* * *

Never in her life had Cissnei felt so alone.

Not to say she had never _been _alone before. She had lived by herself in the slums, after her parent's death and before she'd joined the Turks. But that was _different. _She'd never really felt lonely, then, at least not after a while. She'd talk to the other slum kids from time to time. Sometimes get into fights (she'd never pick fights herself, but that didn't mean she wouldn't defend herself if provoked, which she often was). But she hadn't minded drifting through the world, mostly by herself, just watching things from the background. She hadn't felt restless because she didn't know what to do, where to go.

And then there had been the Turks. She'd joined them because Tseng had asked her to and it seemed a better life then the one she'd had until then, but at some point she'd begun to desire Tseng's respect, to enjoy bantering with Reno, to feel comfortable in Rude's silences. She'd gotten used to companionship. She'd begun to let her guard down.

Maybe that was why she'd let Zack get so close to her. She wanted to promise herself that it would never happen again, that she would _never _again let someone in like that, but she didn't know if she had that kind of restraint anymore.

It had felt good while it lasted. Even when Zack had been dating that Ancient girl, even when every other word he'd say would make her jealous, she'd felt... happy. She hadn't cared if he didn't return her love, as long as she could love him.

She missed that feeling as much as she missed him. For about a year her life had seemed perfect, and when that had changed she'd found she couldn't just change with it anymore, just accept and move on.

_This is why you don't get attached to things._

The door clicked open behind her and her heart dropped. Cloud was choosing _now _to get his answers?

"Cissnei."

"Cloud."

Cloud stood there silently, arms crossed, looking at her. She sighed. She was changing her initial verdict; Cloud was _nothing _like Zack, despite the eyes and the way he held himself and the way he tilted his head when he was confused. Zack would have cracked a joke by then, seen that she was upset and tried to cheer her up. She'd just _wanted _to see Zack in Cloud, because it was just another way of deluding herself, pretending that _he _wasn't gone forever.

_Never lie to yourself, Cissnei._

"Did you want something?" she asked.

"Can I sit down?"

"Of course," Cissnei replied, moving to the side to make space for him. The silence stretched out again between them. It wasn't the pleasant silence she'd enjoyed with Rude; it was too full of the questions Cloud wasn't asking, and the things Cissnei wasn't telling him.

"Cissnei, remember earlier -"

"Anna Taylor," Cissnei blurted out, then cursed herself. She'd wanted to move the conversation away from the things she'd said when she'd approached him, but she hadn't meant... this.

"What?"

"Anna. That's my real name. I took the name Cissnei when I joined the Turks." There. Something she hadn't wanted to entrust to _Zack_ until she couldn't anymore, even though she'd loved him, and she'd given it to Cloud after one night and a stupid connection to a past she wanted to let go. _It doesn't mean anything unless you let it. _Nothing _has meaning unless you let it._

"Ok, yeah, sure. What's your point?"

Cissnei sighed, wishing she'd never told him. She should have guessed he'd be a jerk about it, and he wasn't going to let her derail the conversation, was he? Well, she could always turn it on him. After all, she had her own questions which she wanted answers to.

"I've only told one other person that." Tseng, and she'd only told him because she'd had no other name at that point. "It's your turn, now. A secret for a secret."

Cloud narrowed his eyes. "What kind of secret do you want?"

"Well, you could start by telling me _your _real name."

"What?" Cloud looked at her, startled. "Cloud _is _my real name."

"If you say so," Cissnei said. So, he didn't trust her. Even though she'd told him her real name, which _had _value no matter how much she tried to pretend that it was meaningless. _Well, if he _did _trust you, wouldn't you find him stupid and naive? _

For a Turk, yes, maybe. _Zack_ would have trusted her.

"Cloud... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." The words came out quietly, but just a little colder than she'd intended. Of course he shouldn't have trusted her; she was an ex-Turk. She'd given him her name, which meant nothing (except that to _her, _it did) and asked for his name, which could have helped her identify him as the other escaped sample if that was what she'd wanted. _I'll never stop being an ex-Turk_

"What?" Cloud was looking at her with an expression of complete bewilderment by that point. On someone who pretended to be a tough, badass soldier, the expression was oddly cute and endearing and Cissnei _had _to soften a bit.

"For... for Zack." There. It was out in the open now. She waited for him to freeze up, to yell at her or to just _somehow _react but he just seemed, if anything, even more confused than before. "I couldn't get to you on time. I'm sorry; I _tried..._" She stopped to look at Cloud. He seemed entirely uncomprehending.

"...I think you've lost me."

It was Cissnei's turn to be bewildered. He'd been in a coma when she'd met them at the beach, yes, but if he was here now then he must have woken up at _some _point. And he had Zack's sword, and he'd been gone by the time they got there so he _must _have woken before Zack's death and you couldn't just _forget _a friend that died to protect you.

There were, she realised, tears stinging her eyes. They must have been tears of frustration; Cissnei _did not _cry, hadn't cried even when she'd found Zack because she'd _had _to maintain her composure in front of the other Turks, hadn't cried since then because she'd felt too empty for tears.

She'd _wanted _Cloud to remember. He _had to; _he was just playing dumb for her, because he _still _didn't trust her, somehow. She'd wanted to share Zack's memory with _someone._ Now she couldn't talk to him, reach out to him and she felt even lonlier and emptier than before.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter." Cissnei got to her feet and turned towards the door.

"Wait -" Cloud began, then stopped. She ignored him.

"Anna -"

"Just call me Cissnei."

* * *

"_Cissnei!_"

Cissnei blinked her eyes open as sickly green-tinged Midgar light spilled in through the window. "Ugh. Can I please go back to sleep?"

"_No. _We're blowing up a reactor today, remember? You need to get _up._" Jessie stared down at Cissnei, who pulled a blanket up over her head to block Jessie and the morning rays of light out of her world. Sleep had been so _peaceful - _she'd even managed to escape the nightmares. The bitter disappointment of last night was gone. Cloud meant nothing to her; why should she care whether he trusted her or not? Why he'd been so important to Zack, she would never understand.

A sharp tug pulled her blanket away from her and she groaned again, squinting against the light. _Where does Jessie get her energy? I swear she's _bouncing_. _

"Breakfast is downstairs. If you don't come down, you'll miss it. And Biggs bought you a weapon last night."

"Okay..."

"I'm giving you thirty seconds to get out of bed." Jessie put her hands on her hips. "Thirty... twenty-nine..."

"I'm up, I'm up!" Cissnei doubted Jessie could have made her get up, but it was nice to play along. _Careful. Don't get attached again; Jessie won't be there forever, just like everyone else. You can chat, but don't make friends._

"Excellent. Get dressed, and then I'm racing you downstairs."


	4. Chapter 4

_And you tell me to hold on, o__h you tell me to hold on,_

_But innocence is gone, and what was right is wrong._

_-_ Bleeding Out, Imagine Dragons

* * *

Cloud couldn't help noticing how Cissnei chose the chair furthest from him to sit down for breakfast and deliberately avoided looking at him. _Whatever. If she wants to get offended when I don't understand the nonsense she's babbling, that's her choice. She's just _weird.

But why shouldn't he remember her? He was sure he'd worked with the Turks when he was in SOLDIER, though come to think of it he couldn't pinpoint any particular faces at the moment. _Yeah... weird. _And some of the things she'd said had seemed... well, they felt _almost _familiar, like getting a song lyric stuck in his head but being unable to remember the entire song. It gave him a headache. He glared at the porridge as though it was to blame for the pounding pain in his skull.

The other girl with reddish-brown hair - what was her name again? Never mind, he didn't really care - came to sit next to him. "Hey," she said. Cloud ignored her.

_Who the hell is Zack? _He wanted to dismiss it as more nonsense, but the name struck that wierd chord of familiarity and deja vu.

_Cissnei knows something, and now I've pushed her away. _He wasn't sure _how, _exactly. Maybe he hadn't been exactly _sensitive _towards her. She'd clearly been upset and he'd been a little brusque and impatient when she'd told him her real name. _I guess that must have been important to her._

Maybe he was looking at it the wrong way. She'd seemed more disappointed than offended. _I guess I'll have to apologise to her, and maybe she'll just _tell _me what I did wrong. _

"Yo, SOLDIER guy."

"Name's Cloud," he snapped, irritated to have his thoughts interrupted.

"Yeah, sorry, Cloud then. You just gonna stare at that bowl for the rest of the morning? Stop wasting time and get a move on."

* * *

"Just a little more..." Jessie fumbled at the lock to the reactor complex. "Ah! Almost got it..."

"Careful," Biggs muttered. "There's two guards ahead."

Cissnei looked up to see that there were, indeed two guards in Shinra uniform heading towards them. Her fingers slipped around the handle of the gun Biggs had bought her, ready to defend herself.

"Don't do anything unless they get suspicious," Biggs whispered to her. Cissnei had to smile. He was certainly taking his job of looking out for her seriously. She didn't _need _it or anything, but she appreciated it.

_Maybe a bit too much. _Already, Avalanche was beginning to feel almost like a family to her. _I need to be able to let them go. _

"Hey, guys. There's some kind of commotion going on..."

"You!" One of the guards yelled. Cissnei tensed up, but he was looking at something behind them. A figure drew a huge sword and slashed, and in less than five seconds the guards were lying motionless on the floor.

"Wow!" Biggs called. "You used to be in SOLDIER, all right... not everyday you find one in a group like Avalanche."

Cissnei was staring too, but for a different reason.

His fighting style was _exactly _like Zack's. The technique, the way he dodged, _everything. _

_You're just imagining things. You just _want _him to be Zack. _But she was _sure _she hadn't imagined that.

_Breathe, Cissnei!_

Cissnei sucked in a breath that felt a little like a gasp. _Am I going insane?_

_He didn't know what I was talking about when I tried to apologize for Zack..._

"Cloud, eh? I'm..."

_...I _need _to understand what's going on here._

"I don't care what your names are. Once this jobs over... I'm outta here."

Cissnei couldn't help but feel a measure of cynical admiration for how Cloud had pushed Biggs away. He was better than she was at keeping people at arms length. _So... he tries __to keep a distance, not get attached, move on easily, not get hurt... and then I turn up, and try to dig up his past. No wonder he pushed me away, as well._

Except the pieces still didn't fit because he _hadn't _pushed her away, he'd just been confused and then _she'd _pushed _him _away. And it didn't explain what was going on with the uncanny resemblences between their fighting styles.

_You could just be imaging that. It's the same sword, after all._

_But how did a cadet learn to fight like a SOLDIER, anyways?_

"Door's open! Cissnei, are you concentrating? We have to get into the reactor!" Biggs grabbed Cissnei's arm and ran forwards, half-dragging Cissnei after him.

_As soon as this is over, I _will _get my answers from him._

* * *

Cissnei saw Cloud standing a few steps to her left. As soon as he caught her eye, he glanced away. She sighed. She _wanted _to talk to him. She shouldn't have been so impatient with him last night. She hadn't really made an effort to explain - she'd just wished so badly for him to _understand, _without her having to explain anything. It was stupid and foolish, the kind of thing she might have expected of Aerith.

Sometimes, she'd felt like Zack could just understand her like that. But then, Zack had always been... different. It wasn't fair to hold Cloud up to the same standard.

Besides, after how things had gone the previous night, she had no idea what to say. _That _was a problem she'd had even around Zack, sometimes. Aerith could just hold him silently as he cried and make everything all right, somehow (there had been times when she'd cursed being assigned to watch Aerith; seeing her with Zack was painful), but Cissnei had never known how to offer comfort. Maybe because she knew it _wouldn't _be alright, that the world was harsh and cruel and no words she ever said could change that, so she'd just stood by and watched, feeling his pain but unable to do anything.

"So... a mako reactor," Cloud said after what felt like eternity. "It's pretty..."

"Big?" Cissnei suggested. The word fell far short of reality. It wasn't _big, _it was a huge, monstrous construction, something that shouldn't exist.

"Yeah, I guess..." Cloud looked down and Cissnei paused. Was he being _shy? _Impossible. It didn't fit with the cocky, cold SOLDIER she'd gotten used to. _No, he wasn't really a SOLDIER. _Though he played the role exceptionally well; she had to remind herself that it was just a role.

"Yo!" Barret called. "This your first time in a reactor?"

"No. After all, I did work for Shinra, y'know?"

"The planet's full of Mako energy. People here use it every day."

Cloud shrugged, disinterest written plain on his face. Back to the cold, cocky ex-SOLDIER persona, then. Cissnei wondered how much of that was an act. She would have liked to think that all of it was, but it felt too real for that. She was a Turk; she was trained to spot fakes, and no-one was _that _good an actor.

"It's the life blood of this planet," Barret continued. "But Shinra keeps suckin' the blood out with these weird machines."

Cissnei was vaguely aware of Cloud complaining about being lectured, but Barret's image stuck with her. Not about the planet; she couldn't have cared less about that. Nothing _else _lasted forever; why should the planet?

But Shinra sucked the life out of _people. _Cissnei thought back to a beach at night, and a lost, desperate and broken figure that had once shone so brightly and lit up her world. (_"What did they do to you in there?" "Oh, this and that..."_). She'd thought it could never happen to her, at least, because there was nothing they could take that would break her. Oh, how wrong she'd been. She felt lifeless, like the planet being drained of its energy.

Zack had given Shinra _everything, _bought into their empty words and empty dreams, and how had he been repaid? (_The one person in the world who really mattered to her, lying shattered on the edge of the cliff.) _Hadn't Angeal's death opened his eyes to anything? No, of course not, she supposed. Zack had lived in a world of dreams and illusions, and she had loved him for it.

Cissnei may not have cared much about the planet, but she could understand Barret's anger now. Suddenly, viciously, she was looking forwards to watching the reactor go up in flames. Shinra deserved this. Shinra deserved everything she could throw at them for breaking the very ones who had been blind enough to trust and believe in it.

"Code deciphered," Biggs declared. "This way!"

* * *

Cissnei followed Biggs into an elevator. On the way up, Barret continued to lecture Cloud on the evils of Mako reactors. Cissnei listened with only half an ear. As far as she was concerned, Mako reactors were the least of Shinra's sins. The elevator was followed by a ladder, which led to the core of the reactor. Cissnei was shocked at how little resistance they'd encountered. The Shinra _she _knew took its security very seriously.

"Cloud, you set the bomb," Barret ordered. Cloud grumbled, but eventually agreed. The room flashed red and Cloud stumbled backwards.

"Cloud! Are you okay?"

No answer. It was as though he hadn't heard her. Cissnei bit her lip.

"... Cloud?"

"I'm _fine, _okay?" Cloud glared at her. Could she know he was hearing voices? He would have blown it off as nothing, but combined with Cissnei's general... weirdness...

There was nothing wrong with him. He wasn't crazy, and Cissnei must have confused him for someone else. "Sorry I snapped at you," he added. _'This isn't just a reactor'? What's _that _supposed to mean?_

"It's fine," Cissnei said, but her tone didn't suggest that it was fine. Her tone suggested that his apology was not entirely accepted. He was beginning to get used to that sudden coldness that suggested he'd done something wrong. She tensed up completely, her eyes went from their warm caramel to dark and distant. He was sorry he'd hurt her, though he didn't understand _why _she got hurt so easily, freezed up at the strangest things.

He pressed another button and the bomb activated. Shrill alarms pierced the air.

"C'mon, we'd better run."

* * *

**Hey readers! If you've read this far, then I really appreciate your interest. I would _especially _appreciate if you could take the time to write a review. If you tell me what you think, it will help me make this story better, and it doesn't have to take more than a few seconds :). Any thoughts at all would be appreciated even just "this sucks" or whatever, and I promise I'll take what you say into account.**


	5. Chapter 5

_You'll never know the way your words have haunted me,_

_I can't believe you'd ask these things of me._

_You don't know me, now or ever._

-Snow White Queen, Evanescence

* * *

"Behind you!" Biggs called. Cissnei didn't know why he thought it was neccesary - she could hardly have _missed _the giant robot scorpion backing into the room. _Great. I _knew _there had to be some kind of security. _She took out her revolver and tensed, eyes narrowed. It had no weak spots currently exposed, and there was no point in wasting shots. She only had six, and then she'd have to reload. _And I need to get used to fighting without my shuriken._

Cloud ran forwards, twirling his sword at head level. _I know mako counts for a lot, but seriously, how is that physically possible? _He jumped into the air and slashed at the scorpion. The sword clanged against its armor. Barret rushed in to help. The scorpion raised one of its machine-gun claws and fired back at Cloud, who dodged just in time and slashed again, a little more wildly. Barret was firing blindly. Their fighting styles didn't match; they both used too much brute force.

_Think! _

Cloud took a hit and Cissnei winced. _He'll be fine. He has mako. That _part of his lie about being in SOLDIER was true, at least.

_He fights just like Zack. _Maybe she couldn't understand that, but that didn't mean she couldn't use it. _You've fought with Zack on missions before._

Cloud kept fighting, but his stances were beginning to weaken. When the scorpion lashed out with its tail, he barely managed to duck away. But it was weak too now, and Cloud was still fighting like... like a _real_ former SOLDIER First Class.

_Zack would distract the monster and weaken it, and you would get in close and strike hard and quick to finish it off. _They'd matched each other perfectly; after a while Lazard had started pairing them for more and more missions, until Zack had been sent to Nibelheim without her...

_Focus! _Cloud fumbled and failed to do any significant damage; the scorpion advanced.

_Now! _She fired a shot at its chest, where Cloud had damaged its plate, and jumped aside just as it fired at the place where she'd been. _One._

Cloud took the cue to attack again, drawing its attention back towards him. It stumbled backwards, too slow, and his sword hacked through metal. Cissnei aimed the next shot at its head. _Two. _Before it could react she ran forwards until she was too close for it to use its machine-gun or laser attacks on her. It was bearing down on Cloud with all its force. She aimed her revolver upwards. _Three, four._

_Cloud's on his knees._

The scorpions neck was exposed. _Five, six! Damn, I'm out of shots. _Cloud was back on his feet.

_Come _on, _Cloud!_

He jumped again and swung. The sword pierced through the scorpion's neck and its head dropped down at his feet. Cloud raised his sword, spun it, and struck a victory pose. Cissnei shook her head in amusement. _Completely unneccesary. Such a _SOLDIER _thing to do._

_Just like Zack..._

"Not bad, ex-SOLDIER," Barret admitted grudgingly. "And well done, Cissnei. I'm certainly glad you decided to join us."

Cissnei flushed at the praise. "Yeah." Cloud turned to her. "Good job. Have you had practice fighting with SOLDIERs before?"

Cissnei winced and looked away. _...Yes. Ones just like you. _

"It was almost like you knew exactly what I was going to do."

Cissnei ignored him and turned to walk towards the exit.

"Hey, Cissnei -"

**_Ten minutes to detonatation._**

"Better get out of here," she called over her shoulder, a touch coldly.

* * *

"We're splitting up," Barret declared. "Meet at Sector 8 train station! Cissnei, with Biggs."

"This way!" Cissnei used the sound of Biggs' voice to locate him. She had to scramble to avoid losing sight of him as people ran left and right. Behind her, the reactor had turned to rubble.

The sight gave her far less satisfaction than she'd hoped. Why was she doing this? Ruined mako reactors wouldn't bring Zack back. She didn't want revenge. Revenge was just part of an endless cycle of blood and hurt and pain. The only people who wanted revenge were those who let their anger get the better of them, and being a Turk had taught Cissnei to think with her head.

When they got to the station, Jessie, Barret, and the other guy - what was his name again? He was the one who'd tried to flirt with her last night - were waiting. "Where's Cloud?" Cissnei asked.

"Dunno," Barret replied. "We don't have time to wait. He'll have to find his own way back. Get into the baggage car!"

* * *

"Cloud should be here by now..."

"He'll be fine," Barret attempted to reassure Cissnei. "Heh, didn't you see how he fought back there? And you weren't half bad either. A real good pair, you two are."

Cissnei sighed. Yes, of course she'd seen Cloud fight. She doubted she'd forget it any time soon. It was inexplicable - and what was inexplicable was also unreliable. What if he got into trouble and whatever strange and mysterious skills he had suddenly deserted him, leaving him as helpless as the cadet he was?

_Why do you care, anyways? Cloud means nothing to you. Cloud _should _mean nothing to you... _"I know. I won't - I'm not worried." Tapping noises on the roof of the carriage. Cissnei leant back against the wall. She was exhausted, though she didn't know why. She hadn't done _that_ much fighting.

The tapping became banging, and Cissnei tensed. She'd never gotten a chance to reload after fighting the scorpion.

The door swung open and Cloud dropped down, grinning. Cissnei let out a breath of relief. _Careful. You're starting to care too much about him. _"Looks like I'm a little late."

"That's right, you are!" Barret exclaimed "Makin' a big scene..."

"It's no big deal, just what I always do..." Cissnei couldn't help a small smile of amusement and Cloud faltered. "... what?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering if all SOLDIERs are show-offs, or if it's specific to the spiky haired ones." Instinctively, Cloud reached up to fix his hair and Cissnei's smile turned into outright laughter that she tried vainly to stifle.

"...Oh," Cloud said, and Cissnei sighed. _How am I supposed to stop drawing comparisons when they can be so _alike_? _

_It doesn't matter. I _have _to stop. _

"Um, is everything okay?" Cloud asked hesitantly, seeing that Cissnei had stopped laughing.

"Yeah... you just remind me of a friend." Cissnei settled down onto a wooden crate, and Cloud took a seat next to her.

"Oh. Um... you know, if he was in SOLDIER, then I might know him."

Thinking back to the disastrous conversation from the night before, Cissnei winced inwardly. _You _should, _but_ _I think we've already established that you don't. _"Don't think so."

"_Oh,_" Cloud said and Cissnei wondered if he was thinking of the previous night as well.

The train sped forwards. The car had no windows, but she could imagine streets, houses, people rushing past. She felt a little surreal, almost like she was floating. _How did I end up here? _Until recently, she'd thought the Turks would be her entire life. Without them she felt like she'd been cut loose and cast adrift, floating through the world as things just _happened _to her. Avalanche was... pleasant, in a way, but so different it was almost like a cultural shock to her. When the Turks trusted, it was only ever each other, and only out of neccessity and because they were so tightly bond together that there should have been no escape. Even at their most relaxed - a state which usually involved Reno somehow - there was always a sense of urgency and tension. Barret was mildly suspicious of Cloud, but with Cloud's background and standoffishness that was more than natural.

She glanced back at Cloud. The silence was stretching out again, becoming unbearable.

"So, what did you think of the things Barret was saying about Shinra?"

"About saving the planet? Not really interested." Cissnei couldn't say she was interested either, but then what _did _Cloud care about?

"...You're working for AVALANCHE, though."

"Yeah. Like I said, I'm a mercenary. I'll leave as soon as I get the money."

Cissnei sighed. She'd joined AVALANCHE because of Cloud; what would she do when he left? She wasn't _really _interested in fighting Shinra, but she wasn't sure she wanted to leave either. And what if Cloud didn't want her with him?

It would be nice to stay, maybe. Jessie and Biggs were nice and even Barret was starting to warm up to her. But the thought of fighting her former comrades was painful. _I'm hurting myself again, amn't I, Tseng?_

"Why did you leave SOLDIER?" Cissnei asked, changing tack. She knew the real answer, of course - he'd never actually been in SOLDIER and he'd left - well, escaped - Shinra because Hojo had experimented on him. But confronting him directly about what had really happened hadn't worked and the answer he gave might still give her _some _insight. At this point, she'd take whatever she could get.

"...Personal reasons," Cloud answered. _Code for 'I don't want to answer your question'. _She wondered if he hadn't thought of an answer to that or was just annoyed by her questions. It was a pretty big hole in an otherwise perfectly crafted cover story.

**_Last train out of Sector 8 Station. Last stop is Sector 7, Train Graveyard. Expected time of arrival is 12:23AM, Midgar Standard Time._**

"Yo, lovebirds! We're goin'," Barret called

_Lovebirds? _Cissnei snorted. _He's worse than Reno._

* * *

**Thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming, please :). Sdphantom10, so far I haven't included much of other characters because so far Cissnei has only really interacted with Barret, Cloud, Biggs and Jessie and Biggs and Jessie aren't really important anyways, but next chapter should have quite a lot of Tifa init. Irish-Brigid, yeah, I did think of that... patience :). Qwq qweqq, I hope I've fixed the spelling, thanks for pointing that out. As for the style... let's just say that action sequences are not my strong point. Also, I think a part of that is just Cissnei - she's rather introspective, at least by my interpretation of her. I'm glad people are interested!**


	6. Chapter 6

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures,_

_Pulling the puzzles apart..._

-The Scientist, Coldplay

* * *

"_DADDY!_"

Cissnei stepped aside just in time to avoid being trampled by a _very excited _young girl.

_...Okay, Cloud's past may be confusing but there is _no way _he has a daughter._

The little girl had apparently reached the same conclusion as Cissnei, because as soon as she looked up she gave a small shriek and ran back into the corner. Cloud shared a glance with Cissnei.

"Um, could you... go calm her down, or something?" Cloud asked.

"...I'm no good with children, sorry," Cissnei admitted. They made her uncomfortable, mainly because she couldn't remember ever _really _being a child. She'd joined the Turks when she was nine years old.

"Well, it looks like Tifa's dealt with it, anyways," Cloud said eventually as the girl Cissnei vaguely remembered from the night before approached with the girl who was thankfully not Cloud's daughter.

"Marlene, aren't you going to say anything to Cloud?"

Marlene shook her head shyly and hid behind Tifa.

"Well. Welcome home, Cloud. It's good to see you again. And... it's Cissnei, right?"

Cissnei nodded. Tifa stretched out a hand, which Cissnei shook. "How was your first mission with AVALANCHE?"

"Fine. Everything was according to plan."

"She was -" Cloud began, but Cissnei shot him a look which silenced him. "- Yeah, there were no big problems."

"I see. That's good... I'm glad everyone's safe."

"Hey, Cissnei." Cissnei turned to see that Biggs had approached them. He nodded at a table where Jessie and the other guy sat. "Wedge, Jessie and I are drinking. Want to join us?"

Cissnei shrugged. It couldn't do any harm, could it? They were friendly. She'd just have to make sure she didn't open up too much to them. "Sure. Tifa, Cloud, I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Cloud watched Cissnei walk away, and it was just him and Tifa standing together. Tifa said nothing, just stood there with her arms crossed lightly. He sighed. She was... distractingly pretty.

"Um, do you want to go sit down somewhere?"

"Sure," Cloud answered, relieved to have something to say. Tifa made her way through the crowd and Cloud followed. There was an empty table in the corner.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Don't feel like it."

"Okay, then." Tifa sat down and Cloud followed suit. "...You know, I'm relieved you made it back safely."

"Huh? What's up? That wasn't even a particularly hard job." Cloud couldn't remember Tifa being particularly prone to worrying, but then, it had been a long time since he'd last had a chance to catch up with her properly. Not since... well, never mind. Not in a long time, anyway.

"Yeah... you're right. I mean, I guess you _were _in SOLDIER."

Cloud sighed, annoyed. He had enough puzzles to figure out without _Tifa _of all people being mysterious as well. "Great, now you're acting strange too."

"_Too? _What do you mean?"

"Just - what do you think of Cissnei?"

"_Hey!_" Tifa swatted Cloud playfully. "Here we are, having a nice, intimate conversation -"

Cloud made a point of glancing around the crowded room, just as a drunken man staggered past their table. "...Intimate?"

"Well." Tifa coughed a little. "_Semi-_intimate. And you start talking about another pretty girl."

"I didn't - It's not -" Cloud leant back into his chair. "I didn't mean it like _that!_ She's just been acting kind of strangely."

"Hmm." Tifa turned to look at Cissnei, who was sitting at a table with Barret, Wedge, Jessie and Biggs. She seemed relaxed, but she wasn't joining in with their chatting and laughter. "I suppose she's... reasonably nice? She's pleasant enough, if a bit... cold? No, not cold, more like... just a little quiet and withdrawn. Like she always has her guard up, or she's living in a slightly different world or something. When you say she's acting strange, you mean aside from when she left the table last night?"

"Yeah."

"Okay... and when you say 'strange', are we talking potential-Shinra-spy strange or just regular, head-stuck-in-the-clouds strange?"

"She's _not_ a spy. At least, I don't think so. It's just, well... she acts weird around _me_. As in, we're talking one moment, and the next she goes all cold on me and I have no idea what I've done wrong. Earlier, I tried to compliment her fighting and she just walked away without answering -" At that point, Cloud was forced to break off because Tifa had begun to shake with laughter. "...Um, are you ok?"

"Y-yeah..." Tifa covered her mouth with her hand but she couldn't stop giggling. "...sorry..."

"Did I say something funny?"

"N-no..." Tifa gasped for breath for a few seconds, then regained control. "Sorry, Cloud. It's just... how do I say this? I think Jessie was right. It sounds like what we're dealing with here is just a normal girl who doesn't know how to act around her crush."

For a few seconds, all Cloud could do was stare. "_Tifa!_" he gasped, aware that his face was slowly turning red. "That - that is _not _it!"

"Oh, Cloud." Tifa smiled fondly. "You really don't have much experience, do you?"

If his face got any hotter, Cloud was afraid it might explode. "_Tifa! Listen _to me. There's more to it than that, okay?!"

Tifa was still grinning softly. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm listening."

"When we first met, she said she recognised me - but she didn't except to be remembered. It wasn't just that she didn't think I'd have noticed her - she said something like 'you wouldn't remember, _considering..._' but she never said considering _what._ That wouldn't make sense if she just knew me from work. And last night she was trying to apologise to me but I had no idea what _for, _and she said something about someone called Zack and then -"

"Wait." Tifa was no longer on the verge of laughing. She was clutching the table, and her face had gone pale. "Zack... as in Zack _Fair_?"

"Maybe? She didn't give a last name."

"Was he a SOLDIER First Class, by any chance?"

"I don't _know, _she didn't - huh. She didn't say anything at the time, but later she said I reminded her of another SOLDIER." Cloud conveniently left out the spiky-haired part and the accusations of showing off, because he didn't want Tifa laughing at him again. "But if he _is _a First then I should know him. There weren't many of us. Wait... _you_ know him?" he added, a touch suspiciously. Why the hell would _Tifa _know a SOLDIER First when _he _didn't?

"I don't know... I mean... yes, I do, kind of. I'm just... I think I need to talk to Cissnei. I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Without giving Cloud a chance to say anything, Tifa got up and left the table. Cloud watched her leave with growing bewilderment. He was _still _no closer to figuring out Cissnei, and now _this _from _Tifa _of all people?

_Is every woman I meet in some mysterious 'keep-secrets-from-Cloud' club?_

* * *

"...Tifa's a great cook," Wedge - _that _was his name, she'd finally found out - was saying, as Cissnei listened with only half an ear. "I don't know whether I should be happy or sad. I mean, look at me now. I'm all rolly-polly."

"Be happy," Cissnei said absently, fingering her glass. She'd only had a few sips of beer, yet she was feeling remarkably light-headed. She put it down to exhaustion.

It wasn't that she didn't drink. Just... not in company. When she'd been with Shinra, she'd avoided beer like the plague because it was dangerous to be drunk around Reno. (She'd woken up once with a mustache drawn onto her face in permanent marker. It wasn't an experience she was eager to repeat). After leaving, she'd tried drinking to forget about Zack, but always alone. It had kind of worked, but never for long, and the memories were even more painful when they came back.

"Good advice, Cissnei! You know, you should really wear that yellow dress again. You looked gorgeous in it."

She leant back and shook her head. It was so easy to just relax around them, but... she was scared of what would happen if she did that and then she lost them.

Sighing, she got to her feet. "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow."

"Aw, but it's still early. And Barret hasn't told us the plan for tomorrow yet. And look, Tifa's coming over!"

"I know..." Cissnei yawned. "Sorry. I'm just tired. Long day."

"I'll catch her up on the plan," Biggs offered, glancing at Cissnei. "Cissnei, are you okay? You weren't injured earlier, were you?"

"No... thanks, Biggs. 'Night, guys."

* * *

**... And now Tifa knows that Cissnei knows what's going on.**

**By the way, I'm delighted to be getting reviews! I'm glad you all like it. Tayashia, I'm probably not going to deviate _too _much from the original plot for now, but hopefully it won't be too long before I can start making bigger changes. As for qwq qweqq (there, no caps, happy?), I'm glad that scene didn't go too badly. I definitely need more practice with writing fight scenes, though. Thanks for the advice!**

**"Is every woman I meet in some mysterious 'keep-secrets-from-Cloud' club?" The funny thing is, he's going to run into Aerith next. Who _also _knew Zack. So... yes, Cloud. Yes, they are.**


	7. Chapter 7

_You see her when you close your eyes, maybe one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch, all it dies..._

-Let Her Go, Passenger

* * *

Cissnei was glad when morning finally came.

Despite her tiredness the night before, every time she'd tried to close her eyes images would begin to flash before them, images she never wanted to see again. After a while, she'd given up on sleep; instead, she lay on her bed, restless and wide awake, with nothing to do but think.

There were many topics Cissnei could have chosen to think about, but few of them were pleasant. Cloud was too closely tied to Zack, and Zack was... a lot of things, but at that point in time _dead _was the most important of them. Thinking about her present situation meant facing the fact that by joining AVALANCHE, she had essentially betrayed the Turks. Just leaving was one thing. This... was something else.

_I don't have to stay. I could go with Cloud, if he'll let me. _She'd figure out his secrets, eventually. Being a mercenary would suit her; no ties, no alliances, just going where the wind took her, accepting whatever jobs she was given. And she could come to enjoy having Cloud around (though not like Zack, never like Zack; she would not fall into that trap again, and anyways, no-one could replace Zack).

All she had to do was learn how to look at him and not see someone _else_. That couldn't be so difficult, could it?

Cissnei propped herself up on her elbow. Tifa was up already; that meant she could get up, too.

"'Morning, Cissnei."

Cissnei yawned. She really hadn't gotten much rest. "'Morning, Tifa."

"Cissnei..." Tifa lowered her voice and glanced around. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about. In private."

"Oh." Jessie and Cloud were up too by then; there was no way they could talk there without being overheard. "Well, I don't know if I can... I might be leaving AVALANCHE."

"What? You just came."

"I know, but I think I want to go with Cloud. That is, if he'll let me. I haven't approached him about it, yet."

Tifa smiled. "That won't be a problem. I've convinced him to stay, at least for another mission. Actually... Cloud is part of what I wanted to discuss."

Cissnei blinked. _Wasn't Tifa the girl who asked about Cloud when I first joined AVALANCHE? _Cissnei wondered how much she would tell Tifa. She had no idea what the relation between Cloud and Tifa was, though they'd certainly seemed friendly with each other. Still, if Cloud didn't want Tifa to know the truth, then it wasn't Cissnei's secret to give away, even if there was a lot she didn't understand about Cloud's behaviour. "All right. We'll talk later. Right now, we should go downstairs."

"Wait. One other thing. Do you know a SOLDIER called Zack?"

Cissnei stopped, frozen to her spot. Tifa just looked at her calmly, not realising the effect her words had had. _How does she - What does-_

"He was sent on a mission to a town called Nibelheim once, wasn't he? You see, I'm -"

"You're right," Cissnei interrupted. _Why does she want to talk about _Zack_? She must know more than I thought she did. _"We need to talk, but not now. After the mission?"

"All right. After the mission. Don't forget about it, though."

_Forget about it? I'm not likely to._

* * *

Sitting in a compartment on the train and staring out the window, Cissnei wondered if she shouldn't just leave AVALANCHE anyways. She didn't want to fight Shinra; she didn't really want to fight, in general. Not that she was a pacifist; a pacifist _Turk _would have been an oxymoron. Some problems had to be solved with violence; many problems _ended up _being solved with a stealthy, well-placed knife in someone's back. It was an unfortunate reality, but necessary to keep the world going.

At least, that had been her mindset when she'd worked for Shinra. Now? She didn't know. She could not accept Zack's death as an 'unfortunate, but necessary reality'. But she couldn't completely abandon her previous beliefs either. And how was AVALANCHE any different? You could use 'saving the planet' to justify blowing up a reactor, killing workers, destroying livelihoods.

Just as Shinra could use 'advancing important scientific techniques' to justify giving Hojo free rein and 'keeping company secrets safe' to justify hunting down someone who only wanted to escape from being experimented on and keep his friend safe.

If she stayed with AVALANCHE, she _would _eventually come into conflict with the Turks. Claiming she didn't care would be self-delusion; pleasant to believe for a short while, but ultimately hurtful. What did she have to stay for? Cloud could look after himself, strange though it may have seemed to her.

_**Type A security alert! Unidentified passengers confirmed. A search of all cars will be conducted.**_

_Oh, _no.

Cissnei leapt to her feet. She _could not _allow herself to be caught by Shinra. They could not know that Tseng had allowed her to leave, knowing the things she did. He had taken a huge risk for her; she had repaid him by joining Avalanche.

Jessie ran in, looking flustered. "We're in trouble. I'll explain later. Hurry! Get to the next car!"

Cissnei bolted after Jessie. '_We're in trouble_'? _Oh, you don't say._

**_Unidentified passengers located in Car 1. Preparing for Lock Down._**

_We have to get _out _of here. _Cissnei flung the door open and ran into Car 2. _So much for stealth. Shinra will _definitely _be alerted now._

They made it out of Car 2 before it was locked down... then Car 3... then Car 4... once in Car 5, Cissnei was able to breathe normally again. Shinra hadn't caught her. _Yet. _As soon as this mission was over and she'd talked to Tifa, she was leaving Avalanche. She couldn't risk something like this again, and besides, she'd begun to get too comfortable in Avalanche. She'd find a way to blend back into the background; she was tired of doing things that were important. Important positions got people killed; as a Turk, she'd often ended up being the one doing the killing.

"... Scary," Tifa muttered, finally having caught her breath. Cissnei felt a little sorry for her. She wondered how experienced Tifa was with these things; she hadn't come on the previous mission, after all. And this would certainly not be shaping up as a pleasant first experience for her. "So we're jumping, huh?"

Cissnei glanced at Barret. "Yeah, I think so."

"Ok! I'm ready to jump!" She glanced at Cissnei. "Uh, you wouldn't mind jumping with me, would you?" she asked with a small smile.

"No problem," Cissnei replied, returning a small smile of her own. They approached the window and Cissnei took Tifa's hand. Before Tifa could get a chance to hesitate or change her mind, Cissnei pulled her forwards. Tifa's grip tightened and Cissnei heard her breath in relief as their feet finally hit the ground.

Cloud came down next, and Tifa relaxed further. "Whew, you're ok."

Cloud shrugged. "It was just a little jump."

Cissnei watched the exchange carefully. Clearly, Tifa cared for Cloud. If she told her what she knew about him, she wouldn't be putting him at risk. Though that didn't necessarily mean that she _should _tell him. There might have been other, more... personal reasons for him not to want her to know his secrets. From what she'd seen of him so far, he was far from open about things.

Cissnei wondered how Cloud felt about Tifa. He'd seemed more relaxed in her company than she'd seen him before; when she'd looked over at them chatting, he hadn't given off that general vibe of coldness. But that could mean anything from him being reasonably comfortable around her to them being close friends to them being... more than that. With Cloud, she could never tell.

Still, she wished she could get Cloud to relax and open up the same way Tifa apparently could. Tifa was like Aerith in that way; both were good with people, both could make people feel better with as little as a smile or even just their presence. But somehow Cissnei couldn't be jealous of Tifa the same way she'd been jealous of Aerith, and not just because Aerith had dated Zack. Aerith had always struck Cissnei as being oblivious, sometimes almost wilfully ignorant, of the world around her, whereas Tifa was here, fighting Shinra. Even if she still wasn't convinced that that was necessarily a good thing, it at least showed that Tifa knew what the real world looked like.

"Good," Barret said, landing and interrupting Cissnei's train of thought. "So far everything's going as planned."

_Seriously? You mean you _planned _for us to almost get caught on the train?_

"The reactor's just down this tunnel. Now get a _move _on!"

* * *

**Hey everyone! My holidays have just finished, which means I'll be updating this more rarely from now on. I'll still be working on it as much as I can, though, so please be patient :).**

**Ok, so this was kind of a slow and difficult chapter to write. Things _should _start to get pretty interesting soon, but to get there I need to just follow the original script for a while. Irish-Brigid: when you steal someone else's identity then go running around with people who were in love with him, ending up as the 'rebound guy' is kind of unavoidable XD. As for qwq qweqq, I'm really glad you liked the last chapter! It was probably one of my favourite to write so far. Tayashia, I'm looking forwards to adding Aerith too. I'm not sure Cissnei will be as pleased about her inclusion, though :).**

**If anyone else has read this and is interested, please do leave a review! Reviews make my day.**


	8. Chapter 8

_To your grave I spoke, __holding a red, red rose_

_Gusts of freezing cold air whisper to me, that you are gone._

- A New Hope, Broken Iris

* * *

The tunnel ahead of them lit up with a thousand tiny laser beams.

"Shinra's security sensors," Cloud announced. "We can't go any further this way."

"So... what? We're just gonna turn back? No way!"

Cissnei's eyes fell upon an air duct just as Cloud knelt down to inspect it. She smiled. _He thinks more like a Turk then a SOLDIER, sometimes. A SOLDIER would just have barged on blindly ahead, and the devil take security sensors. _Especially one particular SOLDIER; Cissnei couldn't count on her fingers the number of missions Zack had botched with his 'charge first, think later' mindset.

She would have given anything for more of those botched missions with him.

* * *

"These are the maintenance walkways," Cissnei said when they emerged. "If we go straight ahead then take two consecutive turns to the left, we'll be in Mako Reactor 5."

"...Cissnei, have you _memorised Shinra's maintenance walkways?_" Biggs asked in disbelief.

"You _are _talking to an ex-Turk, you know."

"Right, then. Cloud, you and Barret go set the bomb. Tifa, Cissnei and I can wait here to keep watch."

"Good idea. Cloud, with me."

* * *

They were taking far too long.

Cissnei didn't want to worry, but she did anyways. Worrying was another of those useless traits of hers that she just couldn't seem to eradicate.

Clanging noises came from the corridor, which did nothing to set Cissnei at ease. She shared a look with Tifa; Tifa's eyes were wide with worry too. If nothing else, she wanted Cloud to be okay for Tifa's sake; she could, at least, hope that _they _might have a happy ending. It was probably too much to ask of the world, but she didn't want to see any of her new friends (_so they're your friends now? They could all die at any time, you know_) go through the things she'd been through.

At long last, Cloud ran out of the reactor followed by Barret. "We ran into Shinra soldiers. It's a trap," he said breathlessly.

"We should..."

Cissnei took a step back, staring at a point behind him. Cloud turned to follow her line of sight.

_P__resident Shinra. _

Cissnei tensed up. If she bolted, he'd _definitely _notice her. And maybe there was no need to panic. After all, President Shinra rarely interacted directly with the Turks - mostly he just handed down orders - and she'd never really stood out. There was no need to assume he'd recognise her.

But he _might. _And if _President Shinra _found out that an ex-Turk was running around with AVALANCHE... There wasn't even supposed to _be _such a thing as an ex-Turk.

"Hmm..." the President began. "So you all must be that... what was it?"

Shinra's attitude did nothing to help Cissnei relax. Of course he'd _act _unconcerned. Shinra wasn't the type to admit that he saw something as a threat. He'd just make sure they quickly _ceased _to be one, then pretended that they never had been.

A helicopter pulled up and hovered behind the president.

"Avalanche!" yelled Barret. "And don't you forget it." Of course, Barret wouldn't see through Shinra. He was exactly the type to fall for his act and react to it with indignant rage. What he should have been was _worried, _not angry. If President Shinra felt the need to put in an appearance then they _had _caught his attention, whether he deliberately forgot their name or not, and whatever Barret may have thought, _that was not a good thing. _"And you're President Shinra, huh?"

_Just leave, _Cissnei mentally begged. _Leave _now. _And please don't recognise me._

Besides her, Cissnei saw that Cloud was just as tense as he was, but he looked more angry than worried. _Please, please, _please_ don't do anything stupid or reckless. _She didn't know anywhere near enough about Cloud to predict what he'd do in this kind of situation and what she did know was way too inconsistent. He might rage silently - what she was hoping for - but he might just as easily explode at him.

"Hey -"

_No, Cloud, don't! _Gritting her teeth, Cissnei elbowed Cloud as subtly as she could. The _worst _thing he could do was attempt some kind of confrontation at that point.

"Huh." _Damn, Cloud's got his attention now. _"You look familiar. Weren't in SOLDIER, were you?"

"Yes, I was." _Trying that cover on the _President? _Real smart, Cloud. Real smart._

"Forgive me, but I can't say I remember you. Well. I guess you were no Sephiroth. Now, he was brilliant. Perhaps too brilliant..."

_Sephiroth? _Somehow, Cissnei had forgotten about the him. She wondered why President Shinra would bring him up. He'd been involved in... whatever had happened at Nibelheim... and Shinra's general attitude to anything relating to that incident had been to hush it up and pretend it didn't exist.

Occasionally, they would deem it necessary to deploy the _entire goddamn infantry _against an innocent man just to make sure there were no loose ends.

Zack, Cloud and Sephiroth had been deployed to Nibelheim together. Zack was dead now, Cloud was here and Sephiroth... Cissnei had no idea. She'd assumed _dead _as well because _he _would have been too valuable to just let Hojo experiment on; if he'd still been alive Shinra would _certainly _have found a way to make further use of him.

_What does he mean, 'perhaps too brilliant'?_

"Don't care about none of that," Barret was yelling. "This place's going up with a big bang soon! Serves y'all right..."

"And such a waste of good fireworks, just to get rid of vermin like you..."

"_Barret,_" Cissnei hissed. "He's planning something. Be _careful._"

"Shut it, Cissnei! I know what I'm doing."

_...And don't use that name! _"Huh?" The President turned to her. _Damn __it, Barret! _"Cissnei... yes, I think I _do _remember _you. _Weren't you supposed to be dead? Imagine, a Turk with AVALANCHE. I always thought Turks were the epitome of loyalty. I suppose I'll have to rethink that stance."

Cissnei couldn't miss the veiled threat in that statement. _When he returns to Shinra, he'll make the Turks pay for letting me get away._

_I _can't_ let that happen._

She had a revolver in her hand. The President had no obvious protection. There were a thousand reasons why shooting the President of Shinra would be a bad idea. It would _certainly _be an extremely bold move with far-reaching consequences. In other words, exactly the kind of thing Cissnei would _never _consider doing under normal circumstances.

_"Do you understand what this means, Cissnei?... Very well, then. I will trust your judgement."_

_You shouldn't have trusted me, Tseng._

The thought of what President Shinra might do if he had an _inkling _that Tseng had gone behind his back turned Cissnei's blood cold - and now he _definitely _had that inkling.

She hadn't thought of the danger she was putting him in then. With her heart freshly broken she hadn't been able to think straight about _anything, _and Tseng should have seen that. Instead he'd '_trusted her judgement'._

She hadn't even been _grateful. _She'd been angry and sickened at herself and, by extension, her comrades, for not doing more to help Zack, for hunting down a thousand people like him who had had the misfortune of getting on Shinra's bad side. She'd walked out of his office _hating _Tseng for the cold way he assessed the situation, for being capable of not caring when she _hadn't _been.

Now, she felt even guiltier because of that. _Isn't it bad enough that _Zack's _blood is on my hands?_

Cissnei locked eyes with President Shinra. The man who seemed to make it his business to kill or destroy everything she loved, coldly, impersonally, without even _realising _it. Somehow she _knew _he knew what she was about to do, so there was not point in hesitating further.

"I'd made arrangements for a playmate for you, but that would mean running the risk of this beautiful, dangerous young lady here getting away, so instead I think I'll just -"

Cissnei didn't give him a chance to finish. Her gun was in her hand, her finger on the trigger, and he saw the motion, smiled, and pressed a button.

The world exploded around her.

* * *

"Cissnei. I've got you."

Cissnei felt a hand holding tightly to her wrist and reached up. Tifa grabbed her other arm.

She was perched precariously on the edge of the bridge; a hole had collapsed in its middle. There was no sign of President Shinra; he must have flown away after setting a bomb of his own. _So he'd do Avalanche's job for them, just to make sure I'm dead? He must really be worried about the company secrets I know._

She hadn't killed him. She'd _tried to _and she'd failed, but now she'd _definitely _antagonised him. Her mind spun back to Tseng's words, and she couldn't help thinking that she'd essentially made hurting herself into an art form. Herself, and everyone she made the mistake of getting close to.

"Hold on to me, okay?" Tifa said softly as she attempted to pull Cissnei up. _What would happen if she just dropped me, I wonder? _Some people said there was a lifestream which people joined after they died. Cissnei had never believed them; she couldn't be religious. Faith just... wasn't her thing. Personally, she thought people just ceased to be. Like Zack; disappearing, suddenly, and leaving behind a huge hole of absence.

Tifa finally finished pulling her up, and the moment in which she'd thought she might fall was over. She felt a little dizzy, like she couldn't figure out what just happen. _I tried to kill the President, and failed, and now the Turks are going to be in for it because of me._

"Has anyone got a Cure? Cissnei's injured."

Injured? Strange. She didn't _feel _injured. She barely felt anything; she'd gone completely numb.

"We'll deal with it later. Tifa..."

"She needs a Cure, Barret."

"Tifa, Cloud's gone."

* * *

"...Gone? What do you mean, gone?"

"He must have fallen into the gap. I don't know; it was too confusing. But he isn't here anymore."

"He... he was in SOLDIER." Tifa sound like she was searching desperately for reassurance. Cissnei couldn't offer it to her. _No, he wasn't. He has mako, but does it work the same for him as it would for a SOLDIER? _"Right? I'm sure he'll be fine."

_And anyways, SOLDIERs aren't invincible. They only like to _think_ they are._

Cissnei blinked and waited for reality to reassert itself. When her eyes reopened she was still on a broken bridge leading to a mako reactor; she was still to blame for botching an attempt to protect her former comrades from a danger she herself had thoughtlessly placed them in; Tifa was softly holding back sobs (_I know how this feels; I'm so sorry, Tifa)_ and Cloud still wasn't there, and it seemed like _that _was her fault as well.

A sickening feeling welled up in the pit of her stomach. She'd failed Zack; Zack had given his life to protect Cloud; _now _it looked like Cloud was dead because she'd made a stupid mistake.

"Cissnei, can you stand?" This voice was Biggs'. _So _he's _all right. That's... something, at least._

"Of course I -" Cissnei attempted to get to her feet but her knees buckled. Biggs caught her and offered her his shoulder to lean on.

"We've got to get a move on!"

Cissnei kept staring at the gap in the bridge. _Zack _died _to protect Cloud! _Up until that point, she'd at least managed to take comfort that his end had been heroic, just like he'd wanted. He'd saved someone; an innocent young cadet with blonde hair and such wide blue eyes.

Legacies and heroes meant nothing to Cissnei, but she knew _exactly _how much they'd meant to _Zack. _

_All that for _nothing. _You should have just run, Zack. Left Cloud behind and _run. That was what she would have done; what any Turk would have done. But she'd loved Zack _because _he could never have done it.

She'd wanted to at least be able to believe he'd died for _something; _now that something was gone just as he was, and the absence was painful. _He just fell from a bridge. So _pointless.

_Well, don't you know better by now than to think life has some kind of inherent meaning?_

Turning away was one of the most difficult things Cissnei had ever done. After Zack's death everything had become about Cloud to her, finding him, keeping him safe for Zack's sake. Now, it seemed like she was leaving Zack behind utterly, finally and forever.

Cissnei never cried. But her eyes were still stinging.

* * *

Cloud opened his eyes. His landing had been... unexpectedly soft. Which was not to say it hadn't been painful. He felt like one could reasonably expect to feel after falling from an exploding reactor bridge.

And to top it all of, there were voices in his head again. _If I try to claim I'm not crazy, will it just sound like I'm in denial at this point? _

_...Take it slow now. Little by little..._

_I _swear _I'm sane, okay?!_

"Hello?" He heard a soft, female voice calling. Thankfully, this particular one was _not _come from inside his head.

_...Tifa? _No, couldn't be. Tifa would be more worried. "Cissnei?" The moment he said it, he realised that guess couldn't be right either. The voice was too soft to be Cissnei's. And besides, hadn't Cissnei been on the bridge with him when he'd fallen? That meant she couldn't be there with him, right then. So it had to be someone else. _Are the others okay? _He'd heard Cissnei scream as he fell, and none of them had Mako treatments.

"Oh! You're awake! I'm really glad." The girl speaking was leaning over him and he could see now that she definitely wasn't Cissnei. Light chestnut hair framed a face with green eyes and a friendly, open expression. So different from Cissnei's closed-off, unreadable face. "Are you okay? You really scared me when you fell. Here! Let me give you a hand." The girl gently pulled him to his feet.

"You're in a church in the Sector Five slums. My name is Aerith."

* * *

**Well. That's... got to be the longest chapter I've written to date. I certainly tried to pack a lot into it. Was it too much? Too little? Too fast? You tell me. Sdphantom10, I definitely know what you mean about my pacing. It _does _tend to get rather slow. I'm glad you're fond of it, though. **

** Shade the Hero; how familiar are you with the plot of the original game? I'd recommend checking out the tvtropes page or if you have more time on your hands you could look up the game script. Basically, Cloud doesn't remember Zack because his memories got screwed up by mako and he thinks he _is _Zack or rather that he has a large part of Zack's life story. He'll snap out of it eventually. "Oh, don't mind me. When I don't see anything wrong with the story plot or the grammar, I usually just write my opinions and thoughts in the review instead." - I'm really glad you're doing that, I love knowing what people think about my stories. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you keep liking it!**

** Irish-Brigid - Yep, confusing it is. And Cissnei in particular is very confused about her feelings, I think.**

**Thank you to _everyone _who's reviewing this! I really, really do appreciate the support.**


	9. Chapter 9

_And wondering where you've been,_

_And where you're going to find yourself before the night is through._

- Dying to Live, Poets of the Fall

* * *

Cissnei was sick of it all.

Sick of caring. Sick of trying. Sick of failing everyone and everything. But at the same time, she was tired of trying _not _to care. It was nothing but a painful excercise in futility. _Tseng, Reno, Rude, Tifa, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Cloud, Zack... _she could probably have come up with more names of people she cared for, but those were enough to prove her point: she was incapable of not getting attached.

All the people on her list would be dead some day - those who weren't already. _She _would be dead some day. Did it make such a difference if it happened _then _or later? Suppose Zack had never been sent to Nibelheim. He could - probably _would _- have died some other way; on a mission, maybe, or in a reactor explosion or... who knew?

_"...Another attack on a mako reactor from terrorist group AVALANCHE today, fortunately no casualties..."_

Cissnei got up and move over to the couch to get a better view of the TV, though in truth she was only mildly curious about what it had to report. President Shinra had actually blown up the reactor before their bomb had gotten the chance to, but he was hardly going to broadcast _that _on TV.

"_Citizens are asked..."_

Cissnei glanced up suddenly as a photograph filled the TV screen: a young woman, dressed in a Turk's suit, with copper hair and dark, caramel-coloured eyes. Her look was guarded, but not haunted. The text underneath the photograph read _**Name: Classified, Alias:** **Cissnei**_. They must have taken the picture from her Shinra file.

_"...to report any sightings of the following people..."_

The image on the screen switched to Cloud and Cissnei suddenly became very preoccupied with the ceiling tiles to avoid having to look at his picture. _I'm sorry I keep letting you down, Zack. I can't help it. I can't make this world into something it's not._

Cissnei wondered if the Turks had their televisions switched on. _Look at yourself, Cissnei. First a Turk, now a terrorist._

Cissnei flinched at the sound of a crash. Barret had attacked the television and was pounding it into the ground.

"Barret, stop!" she yelled, holding up a hand. Barret turned to face her.

"Didn't ya _hear _what they were saying about us? The dirty little -"

"I know, I know." Cissnei dropped her hand, satisfied that he had temporarily stopped assaulting the TV. "But it would be a good idea to find out what information they're putting out about us. It will help us avoid getting caught. After that you can do whatever you want."

"Fine, fine, whatever," Barret grumbled. "Guess you have a point."

"_Anyone who sees these people is permitted and encouraged to kill them on sight, if they find themselves in a situation to do so, but it should be noted that they are _all _highly dangerous. Helping them or withholding information about them would be viewed as an offence under the Criminal Act of -"_

"Damn, they're gettin' serious. Wonder what's changed."

Cissnei's eyes latched to a point on the floor. _I'm pretty sure I know what it is._ "...Me."

"Huh?"

"I was a _Turk, _Barret. I know a lot of highly classified information. I'm the kind of person they _don't _want in a terrorist group. So they're going to keep hunting us until they're satisfied that I'm not a threat anymore." _Goddess knows Shinra is good at hunting people..._

"You sure about that?"

Cissnei wrapped her arms around herself for warmth. "Pretty sure. Shinra... tends to take these things seriously. Take my word on it."

"'Kay, I believe you. They want you that bad, huh?"

Cissnei shrugged. "If it would make things easier for you, I could always leave." She didn't want to see these people get hurt. More specifically, she didn't want to see them get hurt because of _her. _She'd already done far too much damage on Shinra's behalf. _Funny what it takes to open my eyes. Maybe, in my own way, I was fooled by them every bit as much as Zack was. He bought into their crap about heroism and honour. I believed them when they claimed the dirty jobs they sent me on were _necessary_. _

_That, or I just didn't want to think to hard about it. _She didn't know where she'd go if she left, but she'd figure it out eventually. She hadn't known where to go when she'd left Shinra.

"_Leave _us? Hell, no. If Shinra wants ya, that just means you've gotta be a good asset to have. An' besides, you've already proved yerself. Yer one of us now. If Shinra comes after ya, we'll just fight them off."

"...Thank you, Barret." _Like it's that simple. _Zack_ thought he could fight Shinra off, too. _"Can I just... think on it for a while, please?"

"Sure. Let me know when you've made up your mind. YO, BIGGS! WE NEED ANOTHER ACCESS CODE. WE'RE GOING..." Cissnei sighed and got up from the couch as Barret continued to holler instructions at Biggs, wincing as she did so. Her shoulder was still healing from after the explosion. _My life is a mess right now._

_I'm going to get a cup of coffee. _Cissnei walked up to the counter numbly, trying to block out the background noise. She didn't want to be right there, right then. She didn't want to be _anywhere. _When she'd first met Zack, she'd told him she'd always wanted wings to fly away (afterwards, being with Zack had been its own kind of escape; he'd had this funny way of temporarily suspending reality. Too bad reality had caught up in the end). That had been a little girl's dream, though; a little girl who longed for a world of peace and beauty that she could one day find. Cissnei was old enough now to know that there was no such world.

She longed for it anyways.

"Hey, Cissnei..."

Cissnei spun around, startled. She hadn't heard Jessie sneak up on her. _My Turk instincts must be fading. _"Hey," she said quietly. She wasn't really in the mood for a conversation.

Jessie fidgeted for a few seconds. "I'm... I mean, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. I've been through worse. I _was _a Turk, you know."

"Right." Jessie bit her lip. "You know, I'm sorry about Cloud."

Cissnei drew in a deep breath. _Did she really need to bring him up? _"So am I." She studied Jessie for a few seconds. Light brown hair pulled back into a pony tail; an expression of friendly concern on her face. Not the image she'd first have conjured up for a terrorist. "Jessie, can I ask you something?"

"No problem."

"Why did you join AVALANCHE?"

Jessie perched her chin on one hand. "Hmm. I suppose… I'm not like the others here, in that there wasn't one specific incident that made me hate ShinRa. It's more like… something feels _wrong _about them, you know? And I agree with everything Barret says about them. I guess I want to save the Planet?"

Jessie's words were sincere. Cissnei wondered what that would be like, being so sure that you were doing the right thing. When she'd been with the Turks, right and wrong had never even come into it. "So you want to be a hero." _A common goal. Rarely achieved._

"I've never really thought about it like that. I just go with whatever feels right for me to do." Jessie took a sip of her coffee. "And you?"

Cissnei shrugged. "No such noble reasons. Just a desire to belong somewhere. Do you believe there are heroes, though?"

Jessie tilted her head to look at Cissnei. "I've known lots of people I consider to be heroic. I mean, it's not a strongly held belief or anything. Just… sometimes 'hero' seems like a good word to describe someone, you know?" There was a moment of silence. "Cissnei... I overheard your conversation with Barret."

Cissnei stiffened.

"I wanted to say that I agree with everything he said. I mean... you _are _one of us... aren't you?"

Cissnei reacted to Jessie's question with silence. She knew the answer Jessie was _looking _for, of course; she wanted easy reassurances. Cissnei had never been one to give those. _I don't belong in AVALANCHE. I only joined because of Cloud. _Who was gone. Gone in a couple of seconds, because of a stupid mistake she'd made.

She didn't belong in the Turks either anymore. She belonged nowhere, drifting through life. But that kind of life drained her. So if she had to choose a place, she supposed it would be AVALANCHE.

_So… I suppose this means I'm staying, even without Cloud._

"Yes… I suppose I am."

"Okay." Jessie smiled. Her smile was so warm, open, welcoming and guileless, Cissnei instantly felt guilty for her hesitance. "I'm glad."

* * *

_Hallelujah, it's raining men. Seriously, girl, you need to do something about that roof._

Honestly, Reno was glad for Mystery Guy's sudden appearance. Up to then, he'd just about resigned himself to a long evening of uneventfulness. He'd been assigned to babysitting - sorry, make that to Ancient Watching - duty by Tseng because he was the only one available for it. There was _nothing _in the world more uneventful than watching a girl tend to flowers. Sure, some people might have found it cute. The first time around. You could only watch Aerith being... well... _Aerith _for so long before you started to get bored out of your mind.

_Why the hell do they even need someone to watch her? I mean, I get she's half-Ancient and all but it's not like she ever actually _does _anything. _Still, Mystery Guy's appearance might prove an interesting development.

He stepped inside the church to get a better view of him, and the two of them both looked up, mildly startled. They'd been crouched over the flowers together, talking. They'd only met, what, five minutes ago? But already they looked like the kind of picturesque couple that only existed in mushy, sentimental plays and stuff. _Dear Minerva, I want to puke. _

"Sorry!" Aerith exclaimed. "Bad timing on my part." _Well, credit where credit's due, at least she knows when to stop. I thought they'd be making kissy noises by now. _

Mystery Guy looked at him for a while, expression unreadable, before just shrugging and turning back to face Aerith.

"Don't mind me," Reno said, leaning back against the wall. Better just to observe, for the moment. Mystery Guy looked familiar, though he couldn't pin him down. He had a huge sword strapped across his back. _Huh. Don't think I've seen him before... _but...

"Hey, you said you do everything, right? Can you be my bodyguard?"

"Okay... but it'll cost you." _Yeah, I _swear _this guy is familiar..._

"Hmm... how about... if I go out if you once?"

Reno fought hard not to snort. _Seriously? _That _line again? Well, whatever works, I guess. Who knows, maybe another handsome guy will drop out of the sky for you once this one gets riddled with holes. __At least her taste has improved - this one doesn't seem like such an idiot._

Mystery Guy didn't reply, just shook his head and turned to walk towards the exit. _Or towards me. _

"Hey... I don't think I know you..." M.G. frowned in concentration. "Oh, yeah... I know you..."

_Okay, three words: what. The. Hell. _It was impossible to tell what was up with him. One moment, he was flirting shamelessly with Aerith, the next acting cool and calm, and then... this. _I have never in my life seen this guy before._

"Yo, sis," called a member of his infantry backup. He wished they weren't there; they were just annoying and got in his way. "This one seems a little wierd."

_Oh, really?_

"Shut up, Shinra spy!" _Huh. Got a grudge against Shinra, then. _

"Wanna take him out, Reno?"

"Haven't decided." Reno tried to get a closer look at Mystery Guy's face. He couldn't read anything in it. His eyes were an unnaturally bright shade of blue, but they revealed nothing. He reminded him a little of a girl he'd once worked with; a puzzle, giving away nothing, making him work for every piece of information he could glean. He'd turned it into something of a game, with her. It had been addictive. And then she'd _left. _

_Turks just don't _do _that. It's not how we work. Especially not for some stupid dead guy. _Not that he _missed _her, or anything. He was a Turk; he was used to people coming and going.

"Don't fight here, you'll ruin the flowers!" Just _typical _of Aerith to be most worried about her flowers. "The exit is back there." She took off at a sprint, with Mystery Guy behind her.

_There was something else strange about that guy... weren't his eyes mako enhaced? _But, he _couldn't _have been from SOLDIER. Reno would have recognised him. "All right, guys, back to work -" Reno was cut off in the middle of his sentence when his phone began to vibrate. _Damn, who could be calling me _now_?_

"Reno? Tseng speaking."

"Yo, I'm in the middle of a mission here, sir!"

"Watching the Ancient? You can cut it off. This is more important."

Reno snorted. "Hey, things were actually getting interesting. Some weird guy with Mako eyes turned up."

"Nevertheless, this is a priority. President Shinra has another mission for us. It's a retaliation against AVALANCHE."

"The whole Sector One thing? Oh, c'mon, that wasn't _that _serious."

"No. There was another attack, only five minutes ago, on the Sector Five reactor. Apparently it's a matter of top priority. The President wants us in his office in half an hour. Call your mission off." No _'You can make it, right?' _In the Turks, the ability to fulfill _any _order was a given.

"Got it. But this had better be worth it, yo."

* * *

** Yay, update! I _am _still working on this, I promise.**

**Tayashia - I know my style tends to be on the slow side. Sorry if that bores you. This might actually be a particularly slow chapter, but _hopefully _it'll pick up. I'm very grateful that you've stuck with me so far :).**

**Sdphantom10 - Yep, last chapter was definitely an exciting one. And if the Planet had therapists, Advent Children would have been a very different movie :). But Cissnei does need a hug, I agree.**

**Irish-Brigid - Nothing is more fun than adding complications to Cloud's life XD. I'm a sadist like that. Still, being surrounded by girls isn't all that bad... **

**qwq qweqq - I am practicing, it just tends not to get posted. But it would be great if you had any more tips. My main problem is that things that _look _awesome don't always go over that well in text.**

**Also, thank you to everyone who has followed and/or favourited this. Even if you didn't leave a review, I'm glad this is being read.**


	10. Chapter 10

_There's a rain that will never stop falling,_

_There's a wall that I tried to take down._

-Words I Couldn't Say, Rascal Flatts

* * *

"Reno, there was a perfectly good _door _there, you know."

"It could've been booby-trapped," Reno pointed out, swinging down off the window sill. "Plus, this way is far more enjoyable."

Tseng's frown told Reno _exactly _what he thought of his explanations, but he said nothing. By that point, he'd become accustomed to Reno's quirks, and knew better than to try to reason with him. "President Shinra, sir, I apologize for my subordinate's behaviour. Reno, you're late."

Reno scowled and crossed his arms. "Well, scaling the Shinra building ain't _easy, _y'know."

Tseng just sighed and turned away. "Be serious, Reno. President, you had a mission for us?"

"Yes. We have confirmed that AVALANCHE has a hide-out in Sector Seven."

"So you want us to infiltrate it for you?" Reno asked, crossing his arms. An ordinary, run-of-the-mill job, then, albeit one that had the potential to end with several corpses.

"No. I want you to bring down the Upper Plate."

"Wha -" Reno stepped back and gaped at the President for a few seconds, trying to make sure he'd heard him right. He'd been on all kinds of shocking and unpleasant missions before, but this one had to take the cake. _Bring down the upper plate?! __But... that would kill millions of people, cost fortunes to repair, it would... that's just _insane_! No way a tiny terrorist group is worth that kind of damage. _"Uh - could you say that again, please, sir?"

"You heard him, Reno."

"That's just -"

"You are aware of the self-destruct system in the Pillars, right? All you need to do is activate it, then get out of there. It shouldn't be a difficult job."

"Understood... sir..."

"I also want you to take that Ancient girl. Hojo thinks he can obtain vital information from her."

"Gotcha." Kidnapping was far closer to Reno's comfort zone than dropping an entire plate on the slums.

"I've had this move planned for a while now... originally I was going to ask Heidegger to assign this mission to you, but recent matters have made me decide I should have a personal discussion with the head of Turks and his second-in-command... urgently."

Reno tensed. He did _not _like the tone the President's voice had taken. In fact, this entire briefing seemed to be spiraling rather out of control. He'd have no problem completing the mission, of course - he was a _Turk. _But did the President really think this was appropriate action to take just to get rid of a handful of terrorists?

"We're listening, sir," Tseng assured him. The President placed his hands on his desk.

"Hmm. Very dutiful, as always, Tseng. Dutiful and trustworthy. Your entire department is like that, actually. Which is good, because your department has to be trusted with many important company secrets. It would be very bad for us if any of you suddenly proved... _un_trustworthy."

Tseng met President Shinra's gaze steadily and stonily, but Reno could see vague hints of a frown forming on his face. So he was uneasy about this too. Whatever the President was trying to get at, it wasn't something good. "Shinra likes to keep a tight rein on its Turks. Any Turk out in the open could be... highly dangerous. A Turk working for _AVALANCHE _would be... unthinkable."

Reno's mouth was doing a decent imitation of a goldfish by that point. "..._What?_"

"_Reno._"

The President began to thumb idly through the pile of papers on his desk, then drew out a file. "So Cissnei died on a mission to Mideel, did she? Interesting that I ran into her only a couple of hours ago in Mako Reactor One, and she tried to kill me."

"_WHAT?!_"

President Shinra leant forwards. "I trust this is all one big mistake, which will soon be rectified. Turks are very good at making people disappear, but I don't want Cissnei to pop up again. I hope that by the end of today you can provide me with evidence that she is, indeed, KIA. Otherwise... I may be forced to conclude that the Turks are not as reliable as I had hoped."

Reno opened his mouth to speak, but Tseng shot him a look that could have frozen a pool of molten magma in less than a second. "Understood, sir."

"That is all, then. Good day to you."

* * *

"_Cissnei, _yo?!" Reno asked a few seconds after they were out of the President's office. _Now, that was one _hell _of a mission briefing. _He'd known she'd been angry at Shinra, of course... the day before she'd left, she'd ranted to him, a rare expression of emotion in Cissnei, but he hadn't thought... but, in hindsight...

"Reno. Hush."

Reno rolled his eyes. "No, you _hush! _Why'd ya let her go?! You _must _have known something like this would happen!"_ He _wouldn't have known, because he'd never been able to figure Cissnei out, but even _he'd _been able to tell that she'd been... unstable. _Stupid SOLDIERs._

"I trusted her judgement."

"The _hell, _Tseng? You _trusted her judgement? _She was angry and hurt and heartbroken, and you thought she'd have _good judgement?_"

"She was a Turk."

Reno threw his hands up in exasperation. Yes, Cissnei had been a Turk, second only to Tseng when it came to emotional control, and yes, Turks didn't make foolish decisions in the heat of the moment, didn't let themselves be guided by foolish sentiments. But Turks _also _didn't fall in love with SOLDIERs. Turks didn't _quit _because a mission hadn't turned out the way they'd wanted it. "_She wasn't thinking straight, yo! _You could have talked some sense into her. If you'd refused her she'd have cooled down eventually and moved on, and everything would be back to normal. She'd've forgotten him eventually. It was just a stupid little crush, or... oh, don't tell me you believe it was _true love _or some shit like that. You know better than that, Tseng. _She _should've known better!"

"Reno Sinclair."

Reno froze mid-rant. He knew how far he could push Tseng, and Tseng's tone told him he was about to pass that limit. "I am your superior. _You will not speak to me like that. _And you will not question my decisions. Understood?"

Reno looked down at the carpet. "Sorry, sir," he muttered angrily. He wasn't sorry at all, but pushing the point wouldn't help.

Tseng sighed. "It was her choice to leave. I do not think she made it in the heat of the moment. I gave her plenty of time to think things through, and I chose not to interfere with her decision-making. She understood what she was doing, and I respect her decisions." Tseng paused and turned to look at Reno. "I will admit that I was... not entirely satisfied with the outcome of that mission, myself."

Reno opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it. He'd antagonized Tseng enough already. _'I was... not entirely satisfied with the outcome of that mission, myself'?! __Zack isn't the first person you've seen die. He's hardly likely to be the last. What the hell makes him so _special_?_ As far as Reno could see, he'd been nothing but another SOLDIER idiot running around trying to be a hero and impress girls and everything. Nothing he could have done would _ever _have made him deserve Cissnei.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, sir." _But I'm not happy about this._

* * *

As Jessie walked away, Cissnei found herself wondering if she'd made the right decision. It still wasn't too late to leave AVALANCHE. The sooner she left, the sooner she'd stop endangering those around her. Barret's promise of protection just made her more uneasy. She didn't want anyone else to end up like Zack. Especially not because of her.

_I don't _want _to leave... but the best thing to do is rarely the easiest. _She hadn't wanted to betray the Turks by helping Zack _too_ much, either, but she'd ended up doing so regardless. _Too late, though._

A few steps away from her, she saw Tifa polishing a bar counter. She was giving the job a lot more of her attention than she required, not looking up even once. She wondered if Tifa remembered their promise to discuss things. _Is there any point in having it now? _Both Cloud and Zack were dead. There was nothing left worth discussing. And even if there _were _she was afraid of how she might react to the ensuing conversation.

_I'll be damned if I cry in front of someone. I'm not going to cry at all. I'm a Turk, trained by Tseng. I don't take these things to heart._

Something about the atmosphere in the room made Cissnei feel mildly claustrophobic. "Tifa, I'm going for a walk to clear my head. Let the others know if they ask after me."

"Where to?" Tifa asked, still not looking up from her cleaning. Cissnei wondered if she was letting her long hair cover her face like that to hide her emotions from Cissnei.

"Nowhere in particular. I shouldn't take more than half an hour, but... I'd rather go alone, if that's all right with you."

"It's fine," Tifa replied, looking down. "I'll let them know."

* * *

** Irish-Brigid: aaand you would be right :). One Upper Plate, incoming. Shade the Hero, I'm glad you like Reno, since this chapter is mostly him. Also, I also got a lot of my information from cutscene movies, too, since I don't actually play video games a lot.**

**I'm sorry to everyone who wanted more of the other characters (besides Reno, I mean), but this scene was necessary.**

**So, no Cloud right now, unfortunately. He _will _be back soon, I promise, along with Aerith. I just couldn't find a way to fit them in.**

**P.S. Things are about to get exciting... pretty soon ;). Just saying.**


	11. Chapter 11

_I just want to stay,  
I just want to keep this dream in me..._

-Losing Your Memory, Ryan Star

* * *

Midgar was as dirty and ugly as it had always been.

Cissnei wandered at random, leaving no street untaken, no back alley unexplored. She was reminded of when she'd first left the Turks; wandering, lost, searching for... what? Maybe a reason to believe that the world was a better place than she had come to see it as. Whatever it was, she wasn't finding it in Midgar's overturned trash cans and dull grey walls.

Maybe she was looking for some of the beauty she had lost when she had lost Zack. It was foolish to expect to find that in the Midgar slums, of course. Maybe foolish to expect to find it again _anywhere. _But Cissnei wasn't certain she was _able _to stop searching.

_You're far too fond of lost causes, Cissnei. _She'd never been able to give up hope on Zack until she'd seen his body, and then...

_Why am I thinking about these things? I should be deciding what to do next. Do I stay with AVALANCHE? Do I leave again? Leaving wouldn't help them unless Shinra _knows _I'm no longer with them. _But how, exactly, could she _let _them know? _'Hey President, I'm that terrorist girl who tried to shoot you and was formerly with the Turks, but I'm not a terrorist anymore, so I just dropped by to let you know that. I'll be going now, if that's all right with you.' __That _would be a very good way to herself executed without actually achieving anything.

_I've been through here already. _She recognised the sudden, shoddy change in cobbling, the loose-hanging sign over a nearby inn, the valiant attempt someone had made at growing a garden. Valiant, but failed. Only Aerith could grow flowers in the slums. Aerith had a talent at effortlessly getting all the things that others struggled futilely for. She didn't even realise it. Yet another reason Cissnei was jealous. It was an ugly feeling, she knew, but she couldn't squash it. Aerith had always been so _perfect _in every way, and being assigned to watch her had only ever rubbed salt on the wound. A pretty, naive, sheltered girl with the perfect boyfriend who believed in happy endings and brightened up the slums...

Cissnei may have disliked Aerith, but she had to admit that her flowers were beautiful. She felt a sudden urge to visit Aerith's church. _Zack _had always gone there for comfort...

_Why am I thinking about this? _What was more immediately pressing was that it appeared she had been going in circles. Not that that bothered her, since she didn't have any particular aim, but she _had _told Tifa she'd be back soon, and she was pretty sure the time she'd alotted herself for wandering had run out long ago.

* * *

"Well... this is Sector Seven."

"Thank you. I suppose I'd better get going, then," Cloud said a little awkwardly. Honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to part with Aerith yet, but he knew he _should _at least let Tifa know he was safe. She would be worried. "Will you be all right?" Maybe Aerith was tough, but he didn't want to leave a young woman alone in the slums.

"'Whatever will I do!'" Aerith rolled her eyes. "You want me to say that?"

Cloud sighed, afraid he'd offended her and ready to apologise, but she looked more amused than anything. Aerith cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, still smiling, and Cloud watched nervously. When Aerith got that look, he was beginning to learn, it meant she'd decided on something and would not be swayed. For a seemingly gentle flower girl, the depth of her stubborness were... impressive, to say the least. "Hmm... If you're so worried about me, you could always bring me with you."

Cloud felt a chill run through him. Take _Aerith _into AVALANCHE's headquaters? If his experience with her so far was anything to go by, she'd probably try to force them to let her join. And then he'd have a very angry Elmyra coming after him with an axe.

Though... he _could _take her to Seventh Heaven, but make sure she never found out it was really used as a headquaters. That would probably be easier than trying to oppose her. "...All right. You can come."

"Great!" She moved forwards, then stopped, softly biting her lower lip. "I won't be in your way, though, will I?"

_Well... yeah. Kind of. But I don't mind. _"What do you mean, in my way?"

"Never mind!" Aerith jumped to her feet before Cloud could change his mind and ran ahead. Cloud followed in bemusement. In her own way, Aerith was as confusing as Cissnei. She wasn't _mysterious, _just... a little more than Cloud was sure that he could handle. _I shouldn't be getting distracted. I need to find Tifa and let her know I'm all right. _

A few minutes later, Aerith stopped walking and moved to the side to climb up onto a slide by the side of the road. "Cloud! Let's take a break."

Cloud sighed. Already? He wasn't going to get _anywhere _if Aerith kept stopping, delaying, and generally distracting him. "I can't believe this thing is still here."

Reluctantly, Cloud joined Aerith where she was perched on the slide. Aerith tilted her head slightly to look at him. "So... Cloud." His name came out soft and playful. He liked the way it sounded when she said it. "What rank were you?"

"Rank?" Cloud blinked, pulling himself out of her green eyes. _Stop staring. You're probably freaking her out. _

"You know." Aerith turned slightly so she was facing him fully. "In SOLDIER."

"Oh." Cloud frowned for a second, trying to remember. "...First Class," he said as the answer finally came to him. For some reason his thoughts were beginning to jumble.

"Ah." A small, sad smile graced Aerith's features for a split second. Cloud wished it had lasted longer. It was every bit as beautiful as her normal, friendly, cheerful smile, if not more so. "Just like him, then."

Cloud sighed. He didn't think he could handle another mystery. "Who?" he asked, trying to keep his annoyance out of his tone, but he wasn't sure he succeeded.

"My first boyfriend."

Cloud resisted the urge to rub his temples. "Not Zack Fair, right?"

He'd expected confusion, maybe a denial. He hadn't expected for his guess to actually be _right, _and he certainly hadn't expected Aerith's reaction. She looked up, barely stifling a gasp, and her eyes widened. "You know him?" She looked away for a few seconds, tugging nervously at her dress. "Do you... know where he is?"

"Uh - sorry, no, I don't know him. Just heard about him." _This... explains_ absolutely_ nothing. If anything, it just raises _more _questions._

"Oh." Aerith glanced away in disappointment, then turned back to him, smiling brightly. "Well, never mind. I've moved on anyways. Say... have _you _ever dated anyone before?"

Cloud couldn't miss the mischevious glint in her eyes. No matter what he said, he was going to get teased about it. "I - no, I..." he began to stammer. Aerith grinned, then paused as something beeped. "Sorry, give me a second." She dug out her phone from her pocket, then frowned. "Huh. It says 'Number Blocked'."

* * *

_Okay, I'd better try to figure out where I am. The others will be getting worried. _

Cissnei frowned. It wasn't like her to get lost. Even at her most distracted, she always felt uneasy not knowing exactly where she was. She didn't just walk around with her head in the clouds.

Or, at least, she hadn't used to. She didn't know how much she still had in common with the girl she'd been as a Turk. She didn't know how much of that girl she _wanted _to keep. _One thing is for sure, though: I still dislike uncertainty. Not knowing _things tied her stomach in knots. Not knowing what was coming, not having understood Cloud, not knowing what she should do. Though, perhaps, she had _never _really known what to do. That was what had made her such a good Turk. She'd followed her orders to the letter, never hesitating, never complaining.

_The perfect tool. _No dreams or goals or complicated emotions. _Well, perhaps not quite no dreams. _She'd always dreamt of escape. Flying away. The first time she'd met Zack she'd fought a fallen angel, and had perhaps for the first time in her life had an emotional reaction to a mission: pity. It was so typical of life: you get an angel's wings but the dream ends up twisted and broken.

You get to be a hero, but it costs you your life and then no one remembers you.

Her head was still a mess. She'd thought walking would help her sort her thoughts out, but they just kept getting more tangled and confused.

_There's someone ahead. Ask them for directions._

Cissnei blinked. There was, indeed, a man on the road in front of her. She couldn't see him very well, but with his too-bright red hair and suit he looked a lot like... Reno. No, he looked _exactly _like Reno. Cissnei could draw no better conclusion than that it _was _Reno.

_Suspicious. _Of course, _anything_ Reno did qualified as suspicious, simply by virtue of it having been done by Reno, but him creeping around Sector Seven was _especially _suspicious.

She could keep trying to find her way back. Report having seen him to Barrett, let him make the decisions. She could just ignore him and avoid a confrontation. Whatever he was doing, it probably didn't affect her, but if he saw her things would get complicated very quickly. He'd be expected to try to kill her on sight. She'd have to defend herself, and the only weapon she had was a gun...

She should just let it go, she decided. Keep walking. Pretend she hadn't seen him sneaking.

_But I don't know what he's doing. AVALANCHE could be in danger. It's clear the President is beginning to see us as a threat. _Unbidden, her mind called up images of Jessie, quietly concerned, Jessie teasing, Tifa nervously jumping out of a train, Biggs trying to look out for her. She'd only known them for a few days. She should have found it easy to just forget about it all and turn away. If Reno had orders to deal with them, let him. If President Shinra thought that meant that she was dead as well then all the better.

Except that it didn't work like that to her anymore. Loving Zack had reminded her how to _care, _and now her subconcious had made a desperate attempt to fill the hole he'd left behind. She was reaching for something else that could make her feel like that again. Something that would stop her from slipping back into that cold and empty shell of a girl that had worked for ShinRa. That puppet.

Stupid subconcious. Didn't it realise how much pain those kind of attachements brought?

She'd hate herself for it later, perhaps, but she had to find out what Reno was up to. She narrowed her eyes as he turned a corner.

She'd always been able to beat Reno hands down when it came to stealth.


	12. Chapter 12

_Beautiful girl, on top of the world,_

_Don't fall down, because an angel _

_Should never touch ground._

-Beautiful Girl, Broken Iris

* * *

Cissnei kept a few paces behind Reno, so she could safely keep an eye on him but was less likely to be seen herself. He walked forwards with a purposeful stride, but Cissnei knew him well enough to realise he could easily decide to double back without any warning. Her heart was pounding but she forced herself to keep her composure. She _could not _afford to panic.

Reno made a sudden movement and Cissnei tensed before realising he was just taking out his phone. _That was close._

"Yo, Rude. Where are you?" There were a few moments pause, then Reno said, "Heading for the Pillar."

Cissnei narrowed her eyes. What could Reno want at the Pillar? Whatever it was, it couldn't be anything good. Cissnei considered for a brief moment calling AVALANCHE, but she realised she'd never taken any of their numbers. "Yeah, yeah, got it," Reno was saying. "You know you can count of me. Tell Tseng to chill out. I just wasn't expecting it, is all. _Yes, _of course I'm going to go through with it. I'm not a Turk for nothing, y'know."

Cissnei frowned. She couldn't miss the tension in Reno's voice. It took a _lot _to make him take something seriously. _This is really bad. _She was stuck there, unable to move without being noticed by Reno, unable to contact anyone. The only numbers she had were the Turks' - which would be counter-productive - and those of several other ShinRa employees - also useless.

"I know. But, orders are orders. You're not questioning it, right? Good. I'll see you there then. Hey, ya got a way to get us out of here once the plate falls?"

Cissnei's eyes widened, and she was once again glad for her training because it was all that kept her from gasping out loud. _Worse than I thought. Did I... did I actually hear that right? _No, she had. Of course. Why was she so shocked? _Nothing _ShinRa did could surprise her any more. She would be surprised if President ShinRa - or any of his staff, for that matter - knew the meaning of the word 'scruples'. They wanted something, so they threw force at it until they got it.

Which left her in a bad situation. Reno, she could probably fight. But if all the Turks were on this, her chance of stopping them was impossibly thin. Attempting it... would be suicidal.

_Kind of like going up against the whole ShinRa infantry on your own, then, huh? _But no, that had been different. Zack had been brave. Zack had been a hero. Zack had known how to save people. (_Though, Cloud's dead now, anyways, right? So it was all pointless in the end._) She wasn't Zack, could never be like him. She was just Cissnei, ruthless, cynical, selfish Cissnei who watched others die rather than put her neck on the line. In other words, a Turk.

_Not a Turk anymore. _She wasn't naive enough to decide that meant she'd changed. She was still a coward. But she could at least _try. For Zack's sake. For Cloud's. For everyone you _didn't _save and every innocent you've killed. _Her throat felt dry. She could still turn back. If she followed this path, she'd most likely end up dying for nothing. _But then... so what if I do? Right now, I'm _living _for nothing._

She still didn't want to do it. Her every instinct screamed at her to run away, but she knew her mind was made up. All that was left to do was go through with it, now. _No. That's not quite true. I'm not just going to charge in blindly. That may be the SOLDIER way, but I'm _not _a SOLDIER. If I do this, I do it _my_ way. That means care and caution. First, if at all possible, I should find _someone _to contact._ Despite not having come up with any useful numbers she might have, she _would _check her contacts. _Deusericus, Lazard - useless. Elena - useless. Fair, Zackary... why do I still have his number? _She continued to scroll down until she found a number that caught her attention.

_Gainsborough, Aerith. _She'd taken down the girl's number in case Aerith got into trouble on her watch and she couldn't help directly, but she'd never actually intended to use it. She wouldn't be using it _then, _if she'd had any other options. Would Aerith even help? She had been like Zack in her general kindness, but then, Cissnei had never seen her in a truly critical situation. It was easy to be kind and helpful when you lived a sheltered life. In all honesty, Cissnei thought Aerith was weak. If she'd had any other option she would not be putting her friends' lives in the flower girl's fragile hands.

_I may not trust her... but there must at least be some way to make sure she doesn't just brush off my message. She doesn't know me. Would she listen if I just asked? _

When she thought about it, Cissnei realised she _did _have some hold over Aerith. Their one connection. Even though she _hated _being connected to Aerith through that, if it was the best thing she could come up with...

Her hands shook as typed out the message. The message didn't sound like something she would say. It was too _frank_. Her phone was on silent in all respects as a precautionary measure - any kind of beeping could give her away on a mission. She tried to push down her rising guilt. She'd done far uglier things than this for far flimsier reasons with the Turks. And in this situation she couldn't afford to be above emotional blackmail. Afterwards, she'd have another thing to add up to the long list of taints on her conscience, but for the moment she had to do whatever she could.

Zack would understand. Zack would forgive her for endangering his girlfriend like this. She hoped so. If she'd been religious, she would have prayed for it. Zack had been far too understanding, in life.

She pressed 'send'.

* * *

Cissnei hadn't returned yet. Tifa was beginning to think she should just go without waiting for her. She could have used Cissnei's help, but she couldn't afford to keep waiting, though she _wanted _to know where Cissnei was. She wasn't worried, exactly; she'd seen that Cissnei could look after herself probably better than she herself could. Her main concern was that Cissnei might simply _decide_ not to return. From her conversation with Cloud and her observations of Cissnei herself, she'd begun to form doubts about Cissnei's mental stability. Not all that surprising, really. Considering some of the stories she'd heard about the Turks, Tifa doubted anyone could go through that undamaged unless their were complete psychopaths, which Tifa was quite sure Cissnei wasn't. Something of the... emptiness she'd heard in Cissnei's voice as she'd announced her intention to go on a short walk - that she still hadn't come back from - had gotten to Tifa. _Please don't do anything too... rash, Cissnei. _

For someone who she'd known for such a short time, Cissnei had seemed very affected by Cloud's death. Cloud might have sworn he didn't know her, but Tifa was just as certain that they had some kind of history. _Just another one of my many questions about Cloud, that I will probably never get an answer to now. _For someone who had grown up with him, Tifa knew very little about Cloud. She'd _wanted _to find out more. _Too late, now._

_Anyways, I'm not going to help Cissnei just by worrying about her. I'm going to go infiltrate Don Corneo's and if Cissnei comes back then she does, if she doesn't... she doesn't. It's her choice, in the end._

Taking a deep breath, Tifa smoothed down her blue dress. She was going into this alone, then. The thought was more than a little scary, but she pushed that fear down. No one had _asked _her to do this. It had been her decision, and she would keep to it. It was time she started doing more for AVALANCHE than just offering food and a headquaters. This mission wasn't more than she could handle.

"Barret, I'm leaving. Cissnei is taking far too long to get back, and I can't just keep standing around. If I'm not back in... say, by tomorrow morning, give me a call. If I don't answer... something's probably gone wrong." She tried hard to keep the nerves out of her voice. The possibility of that something would go wrong... well, she wasn't going to dwell on it.

Barret regarded her for a few moments. "Teef... ya sure about this?"

_Deep breath. _"Yeah. Sure."

"Well. Just make sure ya take care, then, ya hear me?"

"Got it, Barret."

* * *

_Aerith Gainsborough,_

_I understand that you may be suspicious of a message from a stranger, but I cannot stress the urgency of this situation enough. I _need _you to listen to me. I don't know how much time I can buy._

_The Turks are on their way to drop the Upper Plate on Sector Seven. I will try to stop them, but I don't like my chances. My friends are in Sector Seven, in a bar called Seventh Heaven. It's to the right of the train graveyard. Find a man named Barret, and tell him what I've told you. _

_I understand how much I'm asking of you, but I _need _you to do this. Please. _

_For Zack Fair's sake._

There was nothing else. Aerith refreshed her screen again and again, but there was nothing else. The mysterious sender hadn't signed off.

Her breath was caught in her throat and all she could do was stare, blankly, wide-eyed, at the screen.

_For Zack Fair's sake._

_Zack._

_They know Zack. Maybe... maybe they know what happened to him. _The Lifestream had _said - _it had never been wrong before, she trusted it, but - she was only half Ancient, maybe she still didn't really know how to interpret it, maybe it hadn't meant what it had seemed... maybe Zack was out there. With this mysterious stranger. _Four years. I've moved on. I _have.

But that didn't mean she wouldn't try to find him. If - if the sender really _did _know him, and -

"Aerith? What does the message say?"

Aerith's eyes snapped up and she slipped her phone back into her pocket. Cloud. She'd forgotten he was there. _Didn't he say... he was going to Sector Seven? Well. It looks like we _do _have the same destination. _Did they? She still wasn't sure she should go. The risk of being trapped under a falling plate - not that she was scared, of course not, but it would drive Elmyra crazy to lose her and - she shouldn't trust a strange message from a blocked number. It could so easily be a trick, maybe from a Turk. They'd watched her for years, who was to say they didn't have her number? And they'd have known Zack. Yes, that was probably it. A trap.

But... might it not be worth the risk?

Aerith felt a pang of guilt at the direction her thoughts were taking. The sender wanted her to save her friends. That should have been reason enough for Aerith to go, even without anything having been said about a boyfriend she'd given up hope of seeing again.

"..._Aerith? _Is everything okay?" Cloud was looking at her with rising concern, which only accentuated her guilt. Cloud might have friends in Sector Seven, too, she realised. Shouldn't she try to save _them, _if she believed the message? _I'll just tell him. He'll understand. He should. He'll have some advice for me._

"...Cloud. There's something I have to do."

* * *

**Fifty reviews! Oh yeah! -does happy dance-**

**I know what you're thinking: didn't she say she had exams? Well, yes I do. And yes, I should be studying. But my muse wouldn't leave me alone, so here's an update instead. Hope you enjoyed.**

**For those of you wondering: yes, Aerith's phone beeping in the last chapter was from Cissnei's message here. I am really, really, very sorry to have screwed with the timeline like that, but it was necessary for the pacing - otherwise I would've had too many scenes in this chapter, and not enough in the last. Please forgive me. Please? -puppy eyes-**

** Shade the Hero: I think we've all been there :)**

** Tayashia: Trouble indeed. Well, we'll have to see how this goes down. At the rate my muse is assaulting me, it shouldn't take too long to get the next few chapters out.**

** BurntMyChocolate: Ooh, another new reader :). Continue I shall. Thank you for the review and the support.**

** Irish-Brigid: Ah... I may have lied in my previous Author's Note, Tifa _is _going to Don Corneo's, but a little later than in the original. I hadn't actually intended it, but it happened when I was writing this chapter and it certainly helps mess up the situation a little more.**

**Well, gotta go. That study isn't going to do itself... unfortunately :(.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Show me what it's like to dream in black and white,_

_So I can leave this world tonight._

-Unknown Soldier, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

"Cloud." Aerith took out her phone again and handed it to her blond companion. "Read this."

Frowning, Cloud took the phone from her and read through the message. When he looked up, his eyes were wide. "This is from AVALANCHE. Aerith, do you have any idea how they could have your number?"

"AVALANCHE? The terrorist group? I'm sorry, I don't know. How do you know that it's from them?"

"Uh -" Cloud looked down awkwardly at his knees. He didn't want to confess to withholding information from Aerith, but at that point there wasn't much choice. "- I'm, actually, I'm working for AVALANCHE. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't expect... this to happen. Though, I still don't understand how they could have your number... _oh. _Aerith, you said the Turks were following you?"

"Um, yeah."

"It's from Cissnei." Of course. That made sense. She'd written to Aerith about Zack - she and Tifa both knew who he was but Cloud would be surprised if anyone from AVALANCHE did and Tifa wouldn't send a message like that, or block her number, or _have _Aerith's number in the first place, whereas Cissnei would. "Aerith, go back home. I'll deal with this."

Aerith's green eyes blazed and Cloud cursed mentally. Now was the worst possible time for her to activate her stubborn side. This was an emergency; he couldn't _afford _to have to deal with an obstinate flower girl. "Why should I go home? The message was for _me, _not you."

"The most likely reason for that is that Cissnei doesn't have my number, and probably thinks I'm dead anyways. Aerith, this is -"

"_Don't _tell me it's too dangerous. How many times do I have to say this? I can handle dangerous situations."

Cloud sighed. Maybe Aerith could handle certain 'dangerous situations', but he very much doubted _this _was the kind of situation she was used to. "Look, I believe you, okay? But there's no need for you to do this. I know these people, and I can handle it myself. You may be used to dangerous situations but that is no reason to recklessly place yourselves in them. I appreciate your help so far but I'll go alone from here."

Aerith crossed her arms and Cloud knew instantly that none of his speech had gotten through to her. "No, Cloud. You don't understand. I _do _have a reason to want to come with you."

"What - oh. Zack."

Aerith nodded quietly. "I haven't seen him in over four years. I've moved on, but - it would be nice to have some closure." She gave a laugh that sounded only mildly forced. "At the very least, I need to make sure that I approve of whatever new girlfriend I'm sure he's picked up," she joked. "If she's not good enough for him, I'm going to kick her ass."

The image of sweet and innocent Aerith kicking another girl's ass was enough to elict a quickly smothered snort of amusement from Cloud. "Zack isn't with AVALANCHE, but I promise I'll find out whatever I can about him, and I'll come back to tell you. Now go home, okay?"

"So protective. What if I say I don't want you to go into danger alone?"

Cloud had to roll his eyes. "I was in SOLDIER."

"Oh, good! That means I can come, because I know I'll have you to protect me, right?"

Cloud shook his head. "We're wasting time. I won't take you in there when they're planning to bring down the plate, so just _go _and I promise I'll find you and tell you anything I can find out about you old boyfriend. If you come, you'll get in my way and I won't be able to save my -" he'd been about to say 'friends' but Tifa was the only one who he could _really _call a friend "- won't be able to save the rest of AVALANCHE."

"Fine," Aerith said with a scowl, "but you'd better remember your promise."

Cloud sighed. He hadn't meant to be so harsh on her, but he _couldn't _take her into danger. "Well... I'll see you again, I hope, Aerith."

Aerith watched him go. He was so sure and confident. Of course, it was ridiculous of him to think she needed to be sheltered, but there was something endearing about his protectiveness. He was a lot like Zack, really. Zack had always been sure he could take on the world all on his own. He'd made Aerith believe it too. Zack may have loved her, but he'd never _needed _her. Zack didn't need people. That must have been why he could just go away and not contact her for four years. As soon as she wasn't there, Zack must have found something new to chase after, a new object for his smiles.

Aerith was like that too. There was too much beauty in the world to get hung up on one lost relationship. She had her flowers, of course, but she could find something else new, too.

Like a blond ex-SOLDIER who put himself in danger but couldn't bear to let _her _do the same. Who smiled too rarely, but so beautifully. Who was currently walking away to protect his friends, and, in a way, her.

By trying to keep her away, Cloud had made up her mind. She was still scared - more like terrified if she was to be completely honest with herself - but she forced that fear down. She _had _to go. Not just for Zack. Cloud was going into danger and even if he was an ex-SOLDIER she couldn't let him go alone.

Taking a few deep breaths, she checked her bag for materia. She'd need it.

* * *

Reno turned another corner and Cissnei followed. They were almost at the Pillar. She was running out of time. She needed to get Reno before he could get backup. _I could finish this in a couple of seconds. Bullet from behind, he'll never even see it coming. Thousands of lives saved._

Her hand reached for her gun, slowly, uncertainly. _It's what I _should _do. _It was kind of ironic, actually. When she had no better reason to kill than that the President of ShinRa had ordered he to, she did so without hesitation. _Now, _however...

_Come on, Cissnei. You were a Turk. You can do this._

She pulled her gun out just a little too loudly, because Reno heard the noise and ducked just as the shot was fired.

"Hey, babe. Imagine meetin' you here, yo."

Cissnei didn't dignify Reno with a response. She wasn't there to chat, she was there to stop him. Whatever that would take. _Don't attack him now, he's prepared for you. Wait for him to let his guard down. _But Reno would know better than to let his guard down around Cissnei, and she didn't have _time _to wait. Reno took out his lightening rod and brandished it, ready for a fight - ready to fight _her. _Well, she was ready to fight, too. Cissnei tensed and dropped down into a crouch. As Reno dashed forwards she leapt back, out of his way, prepared to face his next attack. From their training together, Cissnei knew that she could drag this fight out almost infinitely. They were evenly matched. But she didn't _want _that - she wanted to end it quickly. As soon as Rude came...

Reno swung again and Cissnei ducked, diving forwards, elbow up and connecting with his ribs. At the same time Reno's rod cracked across her other elbow, sending pain shooting up her left arm. Cissnei grimaced, but didn't let herself stop. A hand under his chin, forcing it upwards. She could hear him breathing heavily as she forced him off her. _Get him on the ground and knock him out, and it'll be over._

A hand grabbed her shoulder and Reno's fingers dug into her skin, pushing, a moved designed to distract her so she'd be in too much pain to fight him off. _He actually thinks that will work on me? He should know better. _She forced her other palm open - it was starting to go numb, damn Reno's rod - and struck down hard with it on the arm that held her. Expecting to be released, she stepped back, but Reno was still holding her and she pulled him with her. Her eyes were starting to sting from the pain. They were both off-balance, she _had _to get him on the floor or he'd pin _her _down then drop the plate and she'd be responsible for letting even more people die. Possibly responsible for sending Aerith to her death. _So, let's see: I let Zack die, antagonized the President into killing his best friend and may end up causing his girlfriend to get crushed by the Upper Plate when it falls. What better friend could Zack have asked for?_

She moved her right foot, intending to sweep Reno's feet out from under him with it, but Reno took advantage of the moment to use the hand he'd had gripping her shoulder to shove her backwards. Cissnei stumbled, disoriented, ready to collapse. Never in their training sessions had Reno beaten her this easily. Well, she supposed months spent wallowing in alcohol and self-pity hadn't honed her fighting skills much. Still, she'd hoped to go down with more of a fight.

_So, this was your heroic last stand. Congratulations, Cissnei. _

Reno twisted her right arm up behind her back, keeping Cissnei upright but completely at his mercy. Well, at least she probably wouldn't live to experience the fallout of this particular failure. Cissnei would bet the Turks had orders to bring her back in a body bag if they caught her. What outcome had she expected, really? She wasn't going to change things. She wasn't going to save anyone. People who thought like that ended up dead on the side of the road. She knew. She'd seen it happen so many times, she barely stopped to think about it anymore, except when...

Anyways, it would be over soon. She wasn't going to be a hero. No-one would remember her. Any friends she had who _weren't _Turks would be dead too, and as for the Turks, they'd throw her file away and she'd be a small footnote in their history saying, _this is what happens when you start caring. So don't. _What had she done with her life? She'd been picked up off the street and trained to kill and follow orders. From there, she'd become ShinRa's puppet: no identity, no objections. She'd killed and turned a blind eye to others killing. Then she'd decided to stop, and then this had happened. Oh, and in between she'd fallen in love. Probably the most important event to her, but not something anyone else would know or care about. Nobody else still alive, at any rate.

Reno shoved his rod into her chest and pain shot through her. A small scream escaped her. _So, you've given up? Decided you're beaten? You could still fight, y'know. C'mon, Cissnei. _Her inner voice sounded an awful lot like Zack. That was exactly what he would say. Because _he _had always believed in her. It was part of who he was, but at the same time it meant he had never really known her; he'd been too busy trying to find and believe in the good in her. That thought made her feel unbearably lonely. The one person she'd loved, and he'd never _really _seen her. Which was good, because he would have stayed far away from her if he had.

Zack wouldn't give up. Zack never gave up. That was what had allowed him to save Cloud. Who she had then _failed _to save. She was a quitter. Zack would keep fighting. She _couldn't._

_Yes, you can._

Her left hand still gripped her gun. In this kind of combat trying to shoot Reno would not work.

She lashed out at Reno with all her force, bringing her gun up against his jaw. Metal met skin with a sickening crack and Reno yelped in pain. The pressure against her other arm was gone. She stepped back to collect herself, even out her breathing, allow her heart to stop trying to pound its way out of her chest. Her gaze travelled up to Reno's jaw and she saw the trickle of blood running down the side of his face. Something in her stomach tried to force its way up.

_It's just blood. You've seen blood before._

Yeah, she had. There had been so much of it. The smell had been sickening and she'd fought hard not to retch. It was raining and the blood mixed with the water so everything she saw was red.

She'd searched for a body methodically, with a Turk's eye, but praying the whole time she wouldn't find it. Wasn't that ridiculous? Cissnei didn't pray. She didn't believe.

She'd found it. So much blood...

_Pull yourself together. This is Reno, not Zack. You're in Midgar, not outside of it. And if anyone is going to die here it will probably be you, not him. _Cissnei watch the trickle of scarlet flow down his face. _I guess I'm just very skilled in hurting those I love. _Maybe because she'd never been taught to do anything but hurt people.

Cissnei tried to take a deep breath but found she couldn't. A strong arm had wrapped itself around her throat and she was suffocating. Someone had approached her silently from behind while she'd been too busy freaking out at the sight of blood like some amateur.

There was no way she could fight Rude and Reno off at the same time.

* * *

**To qwq qweqq: I know you haven't reviewed in a while, but if you're still reading this I would appreciate any comments you might have about the Cissnei vs Reno fight. I'm not _entirely _satisfied with how it turned out, but it certainly went better than many fight scenes I've written previously. On the other hand, the fighting was kind of drowned out by Cissnei's thoughts, so... any advice would be appreciated.**

**Note: The above request was addressed to qwq qweqq because they've given me advice on my fight scenes before. However, any advice from _anyone _would be amazing, so please let me know what I did right, what I can improve etc.**

** Irish-Brigid: Ok, I'm glad the pacing wasn't a problem :). I was pretty worried that it might seem illogical or confusing. Thank you for your reviews, I'm really glad that you keep posting them.**

** BurtMyChocolate: I'm really, really glad you liked the Aerith bit because to be honest, Aerith is kind of a struggle for me to write. I love her character, but I find it very difficult to get inside her head. I identify much better with characters like Cloud or Cissnei because I have more in common with them in real life (I'm shy, reserved and find it difficult to open up). While I know people like Aerith or Zack and I often base my writing of them around how I think those people would act, it's much harder to imagine actually _being _them. So if you, or anyone else reading this, are either an outgoing, open, warm and friendly kind of person or are good at writing characters with that kind of personality... advice would be much appreciated ;).**


	14. Chapter 14

_Still the same, pursuing pain, i__s it worth all I have gained?_

_We both know how this will end..._

-The Fight Inside, Red.

* * *

"In this way, Miss - you said it was Lucy, right?"

"Right," Tifa said through gritted teeth, trying not to be bothered by how the man's eyes lingered on her. _If this works, it should be worth getting leered at a bit. _Nevertheless, she wished Cissnei had come. It would have been a lot easier if she had someone experienced with her. Somehow she doubted Cissnei would be fighting back a blush in this kind of situation. The girl was too... seasoned for that.

"You're quite a pretty one. I imagine the Don will want to have a look at you," the man said with a wink and Tifa forcibly repressed the urge to shiver. Okay, so this was what she _wanted, _but... ugh. Could he at least have the decency to look at her face when he talked to her? "He's in the basement. Follow me."

Tifa followed, feeling more and more uneasy about her 'plan' as the night progressed. There were so many ways it could go wrong. What if the Don didn't pick her? What if he _did, _and she wasn't able to fight him off...? This entire place made her skin crawl. The sooner she was out of there - preferably having obtained some answers - the better. "Right! Now, you wait here until I find to more ladies to join you. The Don Corneo likes to take his pick."

Tifa nodded silently, wishing the man would just _leave. _When he did, her sigh of relief was audible. _Gaia help me, what was I thinking? Coming here was a bad idea. I should have waited for Cissnei._

_Too late for second thoughts now._ The door opened again and a pair of young, giggly girls burst in. They were both reasonably pretty. If she was to be perfectly honest she didn't know what she wished for more: that Don Corneo would pick her, or that he _wouldn't._

The door opened again and Don Corneo walked in. Tifa cut her thoughts off before her tongue could slip out some profanity. She wanted answers, yes, but she did not want to get anywhere _near_ that guy, let alone... _ugh. _Just... just ugh

"Hmmmm..." Don Corneo paced slowly up and down the room, apparently taking some sadistic enjoyment in making Tifa simmer. If he'd just _make up his mind _she'd adjust her plans to the situation, but goddamn it, how hard was it for him to just _choose? _"Well..." His eyes lingered over Tifa and she forced a bright, winning smile onto her face. She hoped it didn't look more like a grimace. It certainly _felt _more like one. "...This one is pretty. _Very _pretty. What's you're name, miss?"

"Lucy," Tifa almost spat. There was no real reason for her to go by a fake name, but she certainly felt far more comfortable doing so.

"Ah... let us go, then, shall we, Lucy?" He turned to his two lackeys. "You can have the other ones!"

Don Corneo beckoned Tifa forwards, and she swallowed hard. _Be brave. If Cloud and AVALANCHE can regularly put their lives out on the line, you can make yourself stomach this man for long enough to get the information Barret needs. _"This way, sweetie."

"Yes, Don."

Don Corneo walked took her into yet another room, where he sat on the bed and flashed her a smile he probably meant to be seductive. "Come a little closer, Lucy."

_So... I've got him alone, now. Drop the act now, or keep playing along to lull him into a false sense of security?_

Don Corneo had spotted her hesitation. "Don't be shy, now."

_I'm not being shy, I'm just imagining what it would be like to gouge your eyes out. _Tifa took a very reluctant step forwards.

"Ah, there we go. Good girl. Now..." His hand reached up to stroke her upper arm and Tifa jerked away.

"Wait! I-I-"

Don Corneo grabbed her again and Tifa panicked. Her arm reached out and a punch caught him hard in the nose. "Ow! What do you think you're -"

_What the hell am I doing? I was supposed to _wait - _! _Don Corneo tried to grab her again to pin her down, but she was kicking out violently, more concerned with keeping him at bay than where her kicks landed. "GUARDS!"

_Oh crap. _She tried to put a hand over his mouth to muffle his voice, but it was too late. Footsteps were coming up to the door. _I'm in trouble. What have I gotten myself into? _Another kick sent Don Corneo sprawling, but he wasn't what she was really worried about.

"Hands in the air!"

Tifa spun around and slowly lifted her arms. _If I take down the one closest to me... I can... _

Something collided with Tifa's stomach and she crumpled to the ground. _No. No no no..._

"Under ShinRa's official authority, you are currently under arrest. Understood?"

* * *

"...Barret? You there?"

"Huh? Who's makin' a racket - oh. Yer alive? Well that's good. Welcome back, Spiky."

Cloud rolled his eyes. Had it not been an emergency, he would have shown Barret exactly what he thought of being called Spiky, but as it was there was no time for him to go picking fights. "No, I'm dead. What does it look like? The Turks are going to drop the Plate. Cissnei's fighting them."

"They're gonna - _WHAT? _How d'you know all this?"

Cloud sighed, wishing Barret would just shut up and evacuate already. They were wasting precious time. "I told you, I'll explain later. All I know is that Cissnei is at the Pillar fighting the Turks, but she's outnumbered and they're going to drop the Plate."

"Woah - hold it a minute. You still haven't told me where you got all this from."

"Cissnei messaged me, okay?"

Barret nodded numbly, stepping back. Probably trying to figure out what to do. Cloud understood _that _well enough.

_You _have_ to save them, Cloud... _

Great. So now the voices in his head thought he needed instructions on how to be a decent person. Yeah, that wasn't screwed up _at all. _

_At this moment, the fact that I may or may not be going crazy is the least of my worries. _He had to make sure Tifa - and, preferably, the rest of AVALANCHE as well - got to safety. If he could, he had to stop the Pillar from falling. And finally, he had to at least _try _to help Cissnei.

"Right. We've gotta go fight them. C'mon!"

"Barret, where's Tifa?"

"She left earlier. She's fine, Cloud. Damn!"

Cloud jumped at Barret's sudden anger. "What?"

"Marlene. We need to get her outta here. Spiky, can you take her to safety?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes. He _couldn't _not go fight. He had no idea why, but he _had _to be there. "Can't you get someone else to do that? I'm the ex-SOLDIER. You need me fighting."

"Now, look here, you cocky little bastard -"

"Hey! Calm down, both of you, please."

Cloud stopped, but the effect the voice had on him was anything but calming. _Goddamn it, she shouldn't _be _here. _"Aerith, I thought I told you to _stay away._"

Aerith ignored him. "Whoever Marlene is, I could take her to safety for you. I'm tougher than I look, I'd be able to protect her."

_If nothing else, taking care of Marlene _should _keep Aerith out of trouble. And it would certainly be helpful... _"...All right. Thank you, Aerith. Take care, okay?"

"What 'bout the rest of us?"

"If anyone else wants to evacuate, they're free to, but as for me, I'm going to help Cissnei."

* * *

_Stay calm. Don't panic._

She couldn't _breath. _Her position was too awkward for her to try shooting at Rude, or hitting him or really harming him in any way. She opened up her left hand and her gun clattered to the floor. It was useless to her and if she were to escape Rude's hold she'd need both hands free. _Not that I have much of a chance anyways. _Black spots danced around the edge of her vision and _she couldn't breath, _Rude's grip was too tight, she was going to pass out soon and then they'd kill her. She didn't want to die. Did she? All her instincts were screaming at her to fight to stay alive. Stay alive...

Cissnei sucked in as much air as she could and kicked backwards against Rude's kneecap. She had nowhere near enough strength to actually hurt him like that, but for a fraction of a second his grip loosened and she took advantage of the moment. Letting out all the air that was left in her lungs, she allowed herself to drop to the ground, slipping out of Rude's arms. _Thank the Goddess. _

Cissnei gasped in as much air as she could. She was still in a vulnerable position. If Rude...

A leg snaked around hers and she was sent sprawling. _Up, Cissnei! You need_ _to get on your feet again._ Cissnei scrambled backwards. _I'm cornered. I need to fight back..._

A hand grabbed her elbow and Cissnei turned to face Rude. He looked down at her, hard and immoveable. _I can't fight him._

_You _have _to..._

A soft click caught her attention and Cissnei's heart dropped out of her chest. _Tseng's here too. And he's pointing a gun at me. _Cissnei knew that Tseng of all people would not hesitate to kill a former comrade if forced. For a fraction of a second her eyes met his, and then she looked away. She had to. There was no way she could bear the cold, unfeeling blackness of them. She'd thought, in Tseng's office, that she had seen compassion in him. Understanding. She'd hoped against hope that he might take her side - but of course, it wasn't like that. Tseng might show compassion or remorse after a job, when he could afford it, but _never _when it got in the way of his orders.

_And I wanted to be like him?_

Cissnei thought she saw a hint of hesitation as his fingers tightened, but it could have been her imagination. Must have been. _Tseng, don't -_

Something slammed into her and she heard a resounding bang.

* * *

Cissnei was on the floor. It was cold and hard and hitting it had been painful, but it was only mild pain. She was alive. She wasn't dying, either. But Tseng didn't miss. Ever.

A pressure she hadn't even realised was on her chest eased off it and a figure came into view. Shock of red hair. EMR stick...

_Reno? _He must have pulled her to the ground. _Why bother saving me? They'll kill me anyways, later. No way ShinRa will let me live. And no way the Turks would disobey their orders. _Well, _she _had. On multiple occasions. But never enough to make a difference.

"Reno! Why did you intervene?"

Reno shrugged. "I dunno. This was my mission, guess I wanted to deal with her myself. Sorry, Tseng. I should've just let you deal with things."

There was a long silence. Cissnei recognised it as the kind of dangerous silence that meant Tseng was considering something. Usually, those silences ended with Tseng giving... less than pleasant orders. "All right, Reno. You deal with her. I'm heading off to find the Ancient. _Don't_ mess this up."

"Gotcha, sir."

There were footsteps leading away. Cissnei guessed Tseng must have left. _Left me here. _He hadn't killed her, but what difference did that make? There was no question of how Reno was meant to 'deal' with her.

"Right, well. I bet you can guess what orders I have... so that means I ain't just lettin' you go. I'm a professional."

_Of course you are._

Reno slammed his stick down into her chest and Cissnei tried to contain her scream of pain, but it escaped her none the less. When the pain began to ease, the first thing to come into focus was Reno's eyes. They blazed bright green, but Cissnei couldn't tell with _what. _

_What a vicious circle. ShinRa screws up and tries to cover their tracks, so Zack gets sent after his fellow SOLDIER Firsts. Then they screw up again, and this time Zack is the evidence of their mess so I get sent to erase _him, _and I decided that something's wrong so now the Turks are being sent to get rid of _me. _Along with an entire sector, just for good measure._ _Does ShinRa really think they can keep this up forever?_

They probably could, as a matter of fact. The world tended to work that way.

Reno struck again. More pain. Her world was going black. Pain, pain, pain. _Why does he keep hitting me? Can't he just finish it quickly?_

There was more screaming. Probably from her. She was slipping out of conciousness. _Reno..._

_Stop, please..._

* * *

**This chapter was annoyingly hard to write. It was almost finished when I posted the previous chapter, but it just didn't feel right so I went back and tried to fix it. That took... pretty much forever. At any rate, I'm _reasonably _happy with it now and I bet you're all tired of waiting for me to post.**

**So... wow. I am absolutely thrilled with the amount (and quality) of feedback that I got on the last chapter. Thank you! Feedback is always amazing, and the tips you gave were great. I hope I've fixed a lot of the problems you pointed out.**

** SomebodyLost: Thank you. I hope I did things better in this chapter. I'm really glad you told me what you think, it's the only way I can improve :).**

** qwq qweqq: I've already replied to your pm, but I just wanted to say thanks again. It's great to have readers who put this much effort into helping me with my writing.**

** Irish-Brigid: I agree with you completely - but I think Aerith just prefers to pretend that everything's all right than to admit that she's still not completely over Zack. Your comments on her are really helpful, by the way - anything that helps me understand characters so I can write them better is great.**

** Ardwynna Morrigu - hmm. Yes, we'll get to that. And I certainly _hope _it will be interesting.**

** BurntMyChocolate - I'm really, really glad you think I got Cloud right. Writing about a character with a fake persona that he himself believes in is... tricky, to say the least. The advice on Aerith was great! Thank you for that.**

** Tayashia - Yep... Cissnei's in pretty big trouble here :).**


	15. Chapter 15

_'Cause my echo, echo,_

_Is the only voice coming back._

_Shadow, shadow,_

_Is the only friend that I have._

-Echo, Jason Walker.

* * *

"Everyone outta the way! It's dangerous here!"

A crowd had gathered around the Pillar, and Barret was trying his hardest to get them to disperse. Cloud pushed past him. He couldn't hear any sound of a fight. Did that mean that Cissnei had already lost? She couldn't have won the fight. ShinRa would have sent in more backup if that was the case. No, he couldn't be too late. There had to be time left to stop the Pillar from collapsing.

"Excuse me, sir." A hand grabbed Cloud's shoulder. An intimidating-looking official glared down at him. "Where exactly do you think you're going?"

"I have authorisation. I'm with ShinRa." It was the first thing that came into his mind and it _had _at least been true until recently, but Cloud quickly realised his lie wasn't going to stand up to inspection. _Please don't think too hard about this._

"I'm going to have to see an identification."

"Don't you recognise this uniform?"

The official narrowed his eyes. "That's a SOLDIER uniform. SOLDIER was disbanded, and you're certainly no SOLDIER First that _I _know. I've worked for this company for a long time, kid. If you don't give me an identification I'm going to have to conclude that the uniform is stolen and apprehend you."

_It's not stolen, douchebag! I worked hard for this uniform. _Cloud took a step back. Clearly, bluffing his way in wouldn't work. _Only one thing left to do._ Before the official could react, Cloud brought up his sword and smacked him across the head. He heard gasps as the official crumpled to the ground, out cold. _I hope I haven't given him a concussion. _No time to check. Cloud broke into a sprint. More guards were coming, but Barret, Biggs, Jessie and Wedge could take care of them.

He felt he had something in common with Cissnei, even if he barely understood her. They'd both worked for ShinRa; they both had reason to be bitter against the company, even if he didn't know Cissnei's reason; he could only guess. She knew things about him, she'd trusted him with her real name - he was beginning to realise that being trusted with _anything _personal was a big deal with Cissnei... he hadn't gotten a chance to explore that connection. He couldn't let her die yet. _Turks, you'd better not have hurt her._

* * *

"Reno, stop. She's already unconscious."

For a second Rude thought Reno hadn't heard him, but then he held up his stick and took a step back. "Right. Guess I'd better activate the self-destruct system, then. You deal with her." Reno waved a hand and walked off nonchalantly, and Rude fought the urge to call bullshit on his act. They both knew why Reno chose to walk out of the room and leave Rude with the final decision. Which meant that either he backed out and ended up being the one who screwed up and couldn't follow orders, or he didn't and ended up as the one who killed a fellow Turk. Ex-Turk, true, but the difference was minimal.

In the Turks, either of those offences were unforgivable.

_...Damn it, Reno. Couldn't you just have done it yourself? _

Rude picked Cissnei's gun up off the floor and walked over to her. She didn't move. _Impressive, Reno. It takes a lot to beat the crap out of Cissnei. _Honestly, he'd expected the fight to go down very differently. The Cissnei _he _knew wouldn't have gone down so easily. He remembered when Tseng had brought in the new recruit. Just a kid. Nine years old. Reno had burst out laughing as soon as he saw her; anyone else might have punched him for that, but Cissnei had barely reacted. Usually they brought the Turks in young because it took a lifetime of conditioning to turn them into what they were supposed to be, but Rude often felt Cissnei must have been born a Turk. It wasn't natural.

She was the last person he'd have expected to leave, but then perhaps part of what had made her the perfect Turk was the way no-one really knew her. Rude knew all his other comrades inside out. He'd just keep quiet and listen to them, and eventually all the pieces would come together to form a whole. But Cissnei kept quiet every bit as well as he did. When she'd first joined he'd expected her to be the little sister for them all to look out for. It hadn't taken long to realise that Cissnei didn't need looking out for. At least, she hadn't back then. The last five years had changed her completely, and he thought he knew why.

Cissnei had never revealed herself completely to her fellow Turks. Rude wondered how well her SOLDIER had known her. Probably better than any of them.

He kept waiting for her to wake up, but she didn't. Reno had been thorough. Sighing, Rude cocked Cissnei's gun. _Orders are orders. She knew that better than any of us. _Afterwards they'd just pretend this whole thing had never happened, that Cissnei had never been. That was how it worked with ShinRa.

"Gun down. I have a sword pointed at your back."

_Thank you for the information. _Rude spun and fired, jumping backwards as the newcomer swung. It wasn't anyone he recognised. Spiky blond hair, SOLDIER uniform - SOLDIER _First, _where did he get _that _from? - and Mako eyes. Also, he was swinging a sword almost bigger than he was. He dodged the shot easily.

_One of Cissnei's new friends? _It didn't matter. He had to fight this stranger first, and then he could worry about what to do next.

Rude barely ducked in time to avoid the stranger's next swing. _He's fast. I have to finish this before the Plate falls. _"Sword down, I have a gun pointed at your chest."

The not-SOLDIER ignored him and kept swinging. The blade of his sword nicked Rude's forearm, and he retreated as quickly as he could. _Maybe not a SOLDIER, but certainly has the skills to be one. Shit. Reno, I could really use some help here. _Rude continued to dodge. If only he could catch a break, he'd shoot the not-SOLDIER and get it over with, but his opponent probably knew that and was doing his best not to give Rude that break.

"Yo, Rude!" _Hey, Reno, I'm a little busy here. _"It's done. Did you -" Reno poked his head around the corner and saw Rude fighting. "Hey, weird dude from the church! Get away from my partner!"

Rude's opponent's eyes flickered over to Reno to take him in. "Both of you get away from Cissnei."

"What's she to you?"

The not-SOLDIER shrugged. "Does it matter? I'm winning this fight and I'm telling you to get away from her and get out of here."

Reno took a step forwards. "Heck yeah, it matters! She was with us, it's our job to deal with her. You can't just bust in here, wave your sword around and start giving us orders. We were told to bring President Shinra her body and that's what we're doin', so _you_ get out of here."

Feeling it would be a good idea to defuse the situation before someone got killed, Rude help up his hands. "Okay. We've brought down the Plate like we were ordered to. We need to leave before it collapses. We don't have time for a fight. Let him have Cissnei; better a half-failed mission than death."

Reno sighed. "Guess you're right. You can have her if you let us leave without a fight. But I'm gonna get you back for this, loser."

Rude rolled his eyes. Leave it to Reno to end the conversation with such a childish insult. The not-SOLDIER frowned, seeming to consider, before finally lowering his sword.

"...Fine. Go."

* * *

Cissnei woke alone. She blinked once, then again. The bright light dazed her; Midgar streets tended to be poorly-lit. _I can see the sky. _It was beautiful, and it looked so close she felt she should be able to touch it if she just reach up towards it...

She took a deep breath and almost choked on the air. A violent coughing fit followed. The air was thick with dust. Was she lying in... rubble? She pushed herself up onto her elbow to get a better view. The movement jarred her and suddenly she was leaning over to the side so her vomit wouldn't land on her. The bile left a bitter taste in her mouth; she wiped the traces of vomit from her face with her sleeve.

She was, indeed, surrounded by rubble. _So they did bring down the Plate. That is... sick. _Among the rubble were countless mangled bodies. Cissnei tore her eyes away; it looked too much like a battlefield. She didn't recognise any bodies in her immediate vicinity, but that meant nothing.

_Why am I still alive? _The Turks couldn't have let her live. Even if they'd left her there, the Plate must have collapsed. She should have been crushed. Gone, along with everything else. Who would have thought an entire sector could be destroyed in the blink of an eye? She shouldn't have been so shocked, but maybe even _she _had believed some things to be permanent.

Cissnei tried to pull herself up on one knee, but pain shot through her side and she stopped. _I'll get up in just a little while._

A figure made its way into her field of vision. She couldn't make it out. _Coming back to finish me off? Well, I'm all yours._

"You okay?" Wait a moment. That wasn't a Turk's voice. Cissnei blinked and rubbed her eyes. The figure was short and blond. Someone she was sure she wouldn't see again. _...Hallucinating? But why would I hallucinate Cloud and not Zack?_

Cissnei blinked again and the figure didn't fade. _Maybe this is real. _She _wanted _it to be, but if anything that was just a good indicator that she was probably imagining things. Maybe she'd just gotten so _tired _of losing her mind had snapped and decided to pretend things weren't really that bad.

"Cissnei?" The ghost was speaking again. No. Not a ghost. His voice felt too real - this was real - Cloud was alive. Not even badly injured. _But... how?_

Part of her wanted to get up and hug him, but she reigned herself in. _Self-control, Cissnei._ _He's still a stranger. _A very familiar stranger.

"Uh..." Cloud sat down awkwardly and picked up a rock, tossing it from one hand to another. "I was with Aerith, so I got your message. Tifa's safe. Barret's searching for survivors. The rest of AVALANCHE... dead, I guess." A shrug, and Cloud looked away. Cissnei suspected eventually those words would mean something for her. Maybe more grief over how she lost everything and everyone she got close to. At that moment she couldn't care less. She knew that was cold, even for her. But seeing Cloud made her dizzy with relief. She _hadn't _let him die. Not she was any less to blame just because he had somehow miraculously survived, but this meant a second (_no, third, more than you deserve_) chance.

_One more loose end left, though. _"What about Aerith?"

Cloud sighed. "She... should be safe. I sent her off with Marlene. I think she was going to Elmyra's. We should go there, just to make sure everything's okay." A small smile came with this, possibly the first Cissnei had ever seen from Cloud. It was a much quieter, more subdued smile than Zack's. When Zack had been happy, he'd made sure everyone around him knew and was happy too. Cissnei had appreciated that a lot - it was rare that someone could make her happy. "She's really something, isn't she?"

"Yes, people tend to say that a lot about her."

"...I promised her I'd find out what you knew about Zack. It was the only way to convince her to stay out of danger."

Cissnei turned to face Cloud. "Do you think you're being funny?"

"What?"

"I lied. Obviously. You know I can't bring her her boyfriend. I just said that so she wouldn't dismiss my message." Cissnei stopped, trying to decide how much more to say. She knew she _should _just clear things up and maybe figure out once and for all what was wrong with Cloud, but did they really have to spoil the moment? It didn't make any sense for him to keep his act up around her. Maybe he really didn't know what had happened. Mako caused memory loss occasionally, but... it was usually temporary. He'd remember things himself eventually. It would be easier that way.

"You _lied to Aerith about knowing where her boyfriend is?_"

_No, I only lied by making it seem like it still mattered. _Cissnei looked away uncomfortably. _Just stop pressing the subject, Cloud. _

Cissnei _felt _Cloud's eyes on her, judging and accusing. Zack had never looked at her like that. Though Zack would probably throttle anyone who hurt Aerith, physically or emotionally. She shrugged. "Ex-Turk here," she said by way of justification. It sort of was. Turks weren't expected to have morals. That's why they were given the dirty jobs, like dragging two test subjects back to be experimented on. What disturbed her most was that she'd have done it without a second thought if she hadn't loved one of them.

Cloud got up and dusted himself off. "Need a hand up?"

"I-" She didn't really, but she took his hand anyways. It was rare enough for someone to offer her support - an occurence she suspected was about to get even rarer, with most of AVALANCHE gone - that she wasn't going to worry about whether it was actually necessary. "-thank you. And thank you for saving me."

"Yeah, no problem." An awkward silence, then Cloud added, "Ex-SOLDIER, here."

_So what's that supposed to mean? SOLDIERs save people while Turks hurt them? _Part of her wanted to just ask, but that wouldn't work with Cloud. She was beginning to learn that things were _never _straightforward with him. So much tension that had never been there with Zack. _Are you just hoping Cloud can give you back everything you've lost? Because you know, he's hopelessly unequal to the task. _"Let's get Barret and go find Aerith, then," she said, attempting a smile. Cloud didn't see or return it, so it faltered and faded. She certainly _felt _alone among the ruins.

* * *

**... Okay. Please, **_**please **_**tell me what you think about this chapter? I wrote it and at first it seemed great, but then reading back over it I really can't tell if things have the same effect as I intended them to and I'm afraid it just falls flat because as the author it's really hard to be objective. So... knowing your reaction, even if it's just 'meh' (_especially _if it's 'meh' - I want to know if I'm boring people!) would be very, very helpful.**

** BurntMyChocolate: Thank you yet again. I try not to rush, but I'm wary of taking too long and just letting the story rot, because that's happened to me before.**

** Irish-Brigid: Yeah, that should be an interesting meeting :). And those kind of chapters are really annoying, but I guess you've just got to deal with it. This chapter was much easier to write, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it.**


	16. Chapter 16

_Days go on forever, but I have not left your side._

_We can chase the dark together..._

-Anthem of The Angels, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

Silence. Cold, stone hard floor. Tifa trembled. She was trying to be brave. She _was. _Nothing ShinRa threw at her could break her, she would never betray AVALANCHE, _never, never, never- _

A barely audible creak made Tifa flinch. _Hah, right. _She could fill her thoughts with bravado, but so far all they had done was throw her in a cell and leave her there and already her nerves were fraying. How long did she _actually _think she'd hold out if they tortured her? _Just pray you don't find out._

The building creaked again and Tifa strained her ears for the sound of footsteps, voices, anything. If guards came maybe she could attempt an escape. Another creak, then more of _nothing. The others will come for me. _Right. How was that working out? She'd been waiting for hours. Cloud had promised to come save her if she was ever in a fix but Cloud was _dead. _She'd have to break herself out, but she saw no way to do so.

She'd gotten Zangan to train her so she wouldn't have to be helpless. When had her training ever actually _done _anything for her? After Nibelheim had burnt down she'd lost Cloud and now she was stuck in a cell for ShinRa to do whatever they damn well pleased with her.

_Just come already!_

Tifa briefly wondered if maybe they were doing this on purpose. Leaving her to stew in darkness was proving as effective a torture strategy as any of their more violent ones might be.

Footsteps _finally _broke the silence. Coming closer to her cell. Tifa stiffened, bunching up her fists, ready for a fight. The door swung open and Tifa dashed forwards, but the guard just thrust someone else in with her and then slammed the door shut in her face. Tifa gave a short cry of frustration.

"...Hey. Hey!"

Tifa started at the sound of her new companion's voice. It was gentle and feminine and Tifa had to wonder how its owner could possibly have ended up in a ShinRa cell. "Hello?"

"Calm down. It's okay. We'll find a way out of this, I promise. What's your name?"

Tifa took a deep breath. She didn't share this stranger's confidence, but the two of them had a better chance than her on her own and even if they didn't the companionship would keep her from going crazy from solitude. "Tifa. What's yours?"

"Wait." The stranger ignored her question. "Tifa... are you _Cloud's _Tifa?"

"Yeah," Tifa breathed. She didn't want to think about Cloud. Maybe they hadn't been that close growing up but he was all she'd had left after... everything that had happened at Nibelheim...

"He told me about you. I'm Aerith, by the way."

Tifa frowned. "Wait a moment. Aerith, when did you meet Cloud?"

"Yesterday. He fell through the roof of my church."

"Cloud's _alive?_" She couldn't believe it. She been so sure - _he isn't gone, it's okay, he isn't gone - _"Are you sure?"

"I _think _so. He was fine the last time I saw him. I'm sure he still is. Don't worry, Tifa."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh." Aerith paused for a moment. "Well, ShinRa's wanted me all my life. I'm... not exactly normal."

Tifa wanted to ask how, exactly, Aerith was 'not normal' but she'd heard the hesitance in the girl's voice at saying even that much, so she bit her tongue. Besides, they had an escape plan to formulate.

* * *

Cissnei found it difficult to pull her eyes away from Cloud.

She was aware that she was staring, but as he tried to calm Barret down she couldn't help taking in every detail. His hand gestures (small, simple and expressive), the angle at which he inclined his head (approximately thirty degrees) and the quiet control in his voice. She half expected him to flicker and fade from reality. It seemed strange for him to _be there, _so solid and present. More so than before. For perhaps the first time since meeting him, she did not get the impression that she was looking at a shadow. Somehow that caused a knot to form in her throat, because the shadow she'd seen had been one she'd loved, but...

Zack Fair had never been a shadow in real life. It was _wrong _for her to cling to a shadow of him now.

"...I know where her house is. She probably took Marlene there. We can go find them."

_It's time to pull out again. Before I get dangerously attached to him. _She knew how close she was to passing that point. She'd been there before, and how had that turned out for her? Oh, right. Months spent lost and wandering and broken, drowning in guilt and grief. Better to just lie low and let life pass her by. Her eyes trailed away from Cloud and towards the ground until a strong hand gripped her shoulder.

"C'mon, Ciss. We've gotta keep going." Cissnei could hear the thickness of Barret's voice as he struggled to keep it from breaking. He must have mistaken the way she stood rooted to the spot for grief for AVALANCHE. Maybe that would come. Jessie, Biggs and Wedge had been friends, somewhat. But maybe she was just too well-trained to cry for them. Or feel anything at all, for that matter.

_'Keep going'? I know how to keep going. My parents disappear, I learn my way about the streets. I see a way out, so I learn how to kill on command. I lose the man I love, I... keep going. It's _all _I know how to do. _That didn't make her strong. She only did it because she had no other choice.

"I know where Aerith might have taken Marlene," Cloud said. Barret nodded quietly and followed him. Using her sleeve to wipe a streak of blood from her face, Cissnei did the same.

* * *

"Excuse me, ma'am."

"Hello?" Elmyra peered through the crack in the door at Cissnei. She had a kind, but severe, face and brown hair pulled up in a bun. Cissnei had heard of her, but she'd never met her in person. "Can I help you?"

"You're Aerith's mother?"

Elmyra's features sharpened instantly. Cissnei read concern, worry and a thin veil of anger - presumably at anyone who might have dared harm Aerith. "Do you know where my daughter is?" she demanded.

"I was hoping she was with you. Elmyra, we should speak." One didn't have to be a Turk to see the fear flash in the woman's eyes. _I'm the one who sent Aerith into danger. _And now she had to deliver the news to her of her missing daughter. The déjà vu of it all did nothing to lessen Cissnei's guilt. Part of her - the part with a strong sense of self-preservation - wanted to slam the door shut in Elmyra's face and run, as fast and as far as she could. It was the same instinct that had made her stand outside a door in Gongaga for a good ten minutes, soaked to the skin from the rain, before turning on her heel to preserve the safe, beautiful illusion she had created on her last visit. She'd later told Tseng that the letters had been delivered to Zack's family. Another lie, this time told not from the noble intentions of letting Zack escape but because she was too much of a coward to face up to the true extent of damage she had, albiet indirectly, caused. Or failed to prevent, which was not necessarily better.

"Come in, then." Elmyra swung the door open wide, then froze. "_You._"

Cissnei realised she was staring straight past her, at Cloud. "What did you do with my daughter? _Where is she?_"

"It's a long story. I'm very -"

"Sorry? I don't want your condolences, I want to know where I can find Aerith. I told you to stay away from her. I told you you wouldn't be good for her, that I didn't need another SOLDIER coming in and stealing her heart and leading her into a mess like this. I asked you to _leave _without her and you -"

"Hey." Cissnei put her hands up and placed herself strategically between Cloud and Elmyra. "Calm down. Please. I understand your worry over Aerith, but this was not Cloud's fault. I can explain." Elmyra would probably hate her once she was done explaining, but better outright hatred that she deserved than guilt for making someone's parents approve of her while behind their backs she let their son die.

Elmyra considered her words for a few minutes. "Very well. Come in, all three of you. Take a seat. I've made tea, if you would like some. And meanwhile, I would _love _to hear your explanation."

Elmyra lead the way into the sitting room. It was cosily furnished: everything about it spelt family, safety and home. Not a lot unlike Zack's house. Aerith always complained about not being 'normal', but this piece of normality was more than _she'd _ever had. No, theoretically, she must have had something like this once, but she didn't remember any of it. In some other world, maybe she and Zack could have found a life like that. If he'd never met Aerith, she hadn't been a Turk and she'd somehow convinced him to leave SOLDIER... after some of the events that had transpired, it wouldn't have taken that much convincing. He'd begun to see ShinRa's true face, to doubt. If only his doubts had culminated a bit sooner...

She'd caught a glimpse of that world while chatting to his parents over tea and biscuits. It had been easy to forget that Zack was on the run and she was the one chasing him.

"Uhm... Ma'am, your daughter had a young girl with her. Her name was Marlene, she's..."

"She's upstairs." Elmyra flashed Barret a reassuring - if rather strained - smile. "She's fine. You can go see her. As for you two... have a seat and tell me where I can find Aerith."

Cissnei and Cloud exchanged a glance. "I don't know where to find her," Cissnei began, "but I _can _tell you how I got her involved. The Turks were about to bring down the Plate, and Aerith was the only contact I had who might have been able to help. I may have... suggested I had some information that she wanted, but which I didn't really have, in order to convince her to help me. I'm sorry. It was wrong, but I was desperate, and as you can see, Cloud is not to blame."

"I tried to keep her out of Sector Seven, but she followed me," Cloud said. "I sent her to safety with Marlene... I don't know what happened next, but I promise I'll find her for you."

_"I'll let you know as soon as we find him," Cissnei had promised, the lie rolling easily off her lips. Some part of her felt bad for what she was doing, but not bad enough to make her confess. Not because it was unprofessional and her mission was confidential, but because she didn't _want _his parents to know. She drank in their smiles and waves, their friendliness and _normality, _and the happiness she'd felt had buried all traces of guilt. _

"We'll do our best," Cissnei added, meaning it but knowing it was all she could offer. No more false promises. If she'd gotten Aerith killed as well, she _would _face up to the consequences. Maybe that would make her feel a little cleaner.

"Thank you," Elmyra whispered, and Cissnei sighed. She shouldn't have thanked her, she should have _hated _her. She _would _do her best, but she already suspected how things would end. _Just don't expect a miracle from me._

* * *

**qwq qweqq - Thank you. You're right, that would have made a much better opening. About the fight scene, honestly, I have absolutely no idea how to use a sword. I do a bit of martial arts so I have some idea of how a hand-to-hand fight might go down, but... I need to do some research on sword techniques, I guess.**

**draco'sfairmaiden: I'm glad you're interested! I hope I continue to hold your interest.**

**BurntMyChocolate: Thank you. Boring people is one of the worst things a story can do, in my opinion, so I'm glad I don't. **

**Irish-Brigid: Cloud said Tifa's safe because that's what Barret told him, when what he meant was that she wasn't in Sector Seven so she wouldn't be crushed if the Plate fell. Sorry if that was confusing.**


End file.
